Shalom and happy Friday

First of all, I didn't win the lottery. I was a little surprised, because it had, after all, been such a lucky day. I know you, too, were shocked since I would have naturally split my winnings with my faithful readers. Ah, well. C'est la vie. GALLIC COMMENTER, DID I SPELL THAT RIGHT??? Never you mind, this is between me and Le Commentar Frog. S/he knows who s/he is.

Anyway, right now I am sitting in a little cafe having a coffee and my favourite breakfast of all time, a warm ham and cheese croissant. I'm down the road from the place where I will be volunteering today. For it is Community Partnership Day at my company aka the day everyone gets to skiv off from work and pretend to do good things for others but really just wave a broom around and shit. Except for me, of course. I take these things very seriously. I was even an event coordinator one year. Totally thankless job. This year I chose my activity solely on location. It only took about 20 mins to get here and it is IN TOWN. Huge sell. This afternoon I hope to get a mani/pedi. And pick up some meds for my sister. Since I love NOTHING MORE than running errands for my Africa-dwelling sibling.

The point of this post is, well, rather pointless. But I would like to plant the seed for a future post. And that is:

We put in an electric fence this weekend.

For my escapist animal.

More later, but let me just give you a little peek. The testing process was the best thing that I have ever witnessed in easily 10 years.

Bye!

Bon chance!

Today, a special treat for you. A photo essay, what fun! But it's only 5 (shit, make that 4) pics because Blogger wouldn't let me upload more. Anyway. Today has been my lucky day! Lemme explains.

This smug fellow here plays lab tech Hodges on CSI. He's kind of smarmy bastard, but last week's episode was all about him and his having a good day. So it's relevant. Kind of. Because when I realised I was having a lucky day, I thought about him.
I did not, however, think about the fact that I probably watch too much television. Perhaps I should have. Moving on!

Got up at the crack of crack to make it to the tire store this AM to get my brakes checked. Made it from house to store in 40 minutes, almost unheard of in this town on a work day during rush hour, albeit a lot earlier than I normally leave. While I was checked in at the tire place and drinking free-but-crap coffee, the news was on and sure enough there were not one, but two major wrecks on my commute that I would have certainly been ensnared in if I had been going to work at my usual time. To wit, Atlanta traffic:

I'm in the way back, far right lane. Just kidding. Anyway, this was win #1 for me: avoiding hellish traffic. Then, the tire guy came back and said that my brake pads didn't need replacing yet and was very nice and printed out my car history and didn't charge me for anything and sent me on my merry way. Win #2!
Oh, boo. I just had a fantastic pic of the brake pads to show and I just accidently deleted it and Blogger won't let me put it back where it was. BLOGGER!!! Fuck it!

Then, I checked my email and found out that I received an additional $800 in scholarship monies for my study abroad trip next month! Wahey! Next, I had yummy Thai noodle leftovers for lunch that made my belly happy and my breath pongy. It really did look a lot like the pic below:

Fully sated, I then went on a lively walk with two of my coworkers around the lake in my work complex, taking care to avoid the massive droppings of goose poo that litters the paths. Filthy geese. Passed a couple of turtles sunning themselves. Weather was completely perfect, bright and sunny with a cooling breeze.
Then I came back for a health services appointment and found out I gained 5 pounds from last December. I immediately rationalised this away because a) I'm about to start my periodical and b) clearly it's a muscle gain, which is heavier than fat. Because even this momentary setback wasn't going to get me down!

Because it's my lucky day!

I'm going to go blow my paycheck on lotto tickets.

He gives it two fingers up!

Well well well.
Received this lovely little response from Peetah in the email inbox last night.

Note how the offending CoP post is still on his computer screen at the taking of this charming photograph.

Note that I got the double bird with supporting fingers on either side, no less than the deluxe flip-off configuration.

Note the pretend paperwork on the desk as if to say, I am important! Just look at how much stuff I have to do! And a tie! I'm wearing a tie!

Note the fakey "boy am I really mad!" expression on his face. Do I detect a slight upturn at the corner of his mouth, as if approximately 1.7 nanoseconds later he exploded into a shrill, high-pitched giggle fit lasting for several minutes? Do I?

Not buying it, Hoberman. You couldn't stay mad at me if you tried. I'm just too hilarious.

Maybe I should turn comments off for this post.

The funny thing from earlier

So, anyway, the hilarious thing that Peetah said. As Mern very astutely points out in her comment to the post below, I am very mean to poor old Peter. But secretly, I think Peetah will be quietly pleased that he got so much attention on ye olde Cup o' Pizzle today, replete with not-one-not-two-but-THREE pics. And anyway, God is already punishing me by having a strange little red dot rash pop up on my right forearm this afternoon that is ever-increasing in itchiness quotient. So don't worry, I'll get mine.

She also points out that today may be my birthday. And indeed it is. I am the mighty 3-1, the old triple uno, le trente de un ala fromage de la pong merci au revoir. I wondered what 31 means in terms of police lingo, and with ten it means a burglary in progress. As in 10-31. As opposed to a 10-21, or a burglary in the past. Stupid burglaries in the past, current ones are just so much more in right now, ha! Ha! Ha!

So, anyway. Yes, it is my birthday. And it was about this very topic Peetah and I were discussing this morning. More specifically, I was telling him about Rob's present for me, still unknown. He is going to give it to me tonight. The present, that is, you salacious pervs, jesus. And of course I was pestering him this weekend to give me a hint and of course Rob immediately called me on my bullshit and was like, why don't I just tell you what it is right now? It's . . .and took a deep breath while I ran away with my ears covered squealing nooooooooo! because I secretly don't wait to know I just want to drag out the suspense for as long as I can.

But later Rob pointed out that there was no pointy point point in giving me my present any sooner than tonight, because--and I am quoting--"it won't be activated until then."

?????

I mean, ?????










Seriously, ?????





I'm at a loss. And when I told Peter this story, he was quiet for a few seconds, then gasped audibly, and whispered, "You're going to become a Wonder Twin!"

Naturally, my braying immediately filled the office, poured out into the hall, wound round the staircases, and blew out a couple of windows on the fourth floor.

Well done, sir. Well done.

I'll let you guys know tomorrow. Any guesses? House them in Comments, if you please.

Peetah is going to fucking kill me.

Because I'm posting this!!!

And again!

So this is what happened. Peetah rang this morning to sing me Happy Birthday in two languages, and in the ensuing conversation, said something hilarious that I immediately vowed to post on the blog, post-haste. Then, when I was getting ready to post, I thought, well wouldn't it be lovely to put a little pic of Peetah up as well? Wonder if I hve one? Well, I don't, so I went out to the internet and found THIS!

Peetah earned the coveted Career Spotlight from his grad school in October 2003 and was profiled on their online newsletter. I can't believe I did not receive any kind of notification during this time and am just discovering this information now. Naturally, I devoured the accompanying article. Here is my favourite part:

"During the interview I asked a ton of questions, which ironically showed how much I actually knew."

Because I am such a loving and supporting friend, my immediate reaction was, "What a dick." Then I thought, "This is not a great use of the word ironically."

Anyway, I'll get to the hilarious thing Peetah said on the phone later. Now, it's just time to openly mock a dearest friend for a 4-year old story.

One more time!!

Okay, I'm done.

My name is Eleanor, and I have a buying-stupid-shit problem.

God help me. I am officially an eBay addict. It used to be just the occasional book or whatever, but now I'm pretty much just stopping short of used underwear. I won't even tell you how many things I have tagged as "Items I'm Watching," but it's on two pages. And about a hour ago, I hit a new low. I saw something I didn't need with only one bid for 98 cents with 1 minute left and I bid on it SOLELY TO FUCK WITH THE LONE BIDDER. Luckily for him/her (and me), I was too late.

Help.

ps. I just won a brown glass bead necklace for a dollar. See?

You talking to me?

I love how very coy this coyote looks. For those not in the know, this is the animal that calmly walked into a Chicago Quiznos' yesterday via a propped-open door and proceed to sit in their drink cooler. The employees and customers filed out, animal control filed in, and crisis was averted. Read more here.

Anyway, this look tells me that if the coyote could speak, she would--in a soft, Southern drawl, purr: "Why, I have always depended on the kindness of strangers." Can't you see it?

On a related note: Chicago coyotes are fucking pussies. It's not even hot yet. Now when bitches from the ATL begin hopping in coolers, then it's hot. Peace out.