File under: songs that make me happy

Yay so the other day I was driving into work and flipping around on the radio and I caught the end of Lola by the Kinks. And I was bummed because it's one of my favourite songs and I missed it. But this morning I flipped around and caught the beginning of it! And I was ridiculously happy and turned it up really loudly and sang raucously along to it much to the delight of the other drivers around me I'm sure.

You see, it takes so little to please me. And yes, I know that I should probably just buy it on iTunes and then I could listen to it whenever I want. But then I wouldn't have surprise delight moments like this morning, now would I? It seems like the fellows above are agreeing with me on this point. The guy on the far right is like, "Yeeeep, that's right, Eleanor--wouldn't be the same."

I promise you I've only had coffee this morning.

Is that a hematoma in your ear or are you just glad to see me?

So Saturday night I had a couple of friends over for a lobster boil. And by that I mean that we wanted someone else to kill the lobsters and we enjoy their yummy insides. But the fellows at the farmer's market sneered when we suggested that, so we ended up going home with three live ones slowly suffocating in a plastic bag. It was to be a rather dark evening.

I'm saving it for another post when I can put in the pics, but later on the same night, we were sitting outside drinking wine around a fire. I was petting ever-present Lu when I felt an enormous bulge. . . in her ear. It didn't seem to particularly bother her and also I was extremely full and drunk, so I was pretty calm about it. There was absolutely nothing I could do about it until the morning, and I thought I remembered that my vet was open on Sundays so I made a mental note to check online. Once I was able to stand and walk and operate a computer again.

I think it's important now to show you a visual of what we're dealing with here. I didn't take a picture of her yesterday, but I found this picture online of an aural hematoma--that's what she has. Clearly, however, this dog is white but Lu is black--well, mostly, I left her little white chin--so I had to do some doctoring up of the image.

On a related note, it is really hard to colour in images using powerpoint. I was stunned to realised there is no spray paint option--I mean jesus how effing basic is that? So I had to use a million free form shape squiggly thingies and connect them to fill them in with black. It took me about 20 minutes because I kept messing up and then getting frustrated and checking my email or ebay or something.

On a related note, I'm not very busy at work today.

Anyway, I finally got her coloured in--you will note I even made her eyes brown for an added touch of realism. Then I put a thought bubble in with what I know she is thinking about at any given time and capped it all off with an emphasis on the hematoma itself.

Voila!

Anyway, the better part of $200 later, she is on antibiotics for an ear infection and steroids for the hematoma. I keep daydreaming about coming home and catching her lifting weights in the corner of the basement.

Hematoma! Hematoma! Maybe I should make-up a song about it. Anyway, her medication schedule is extremely complex and I'm a little nervous about fucking it up. I had to write it all out on a calendar last night and put up notes on every exit door in the house that say LU MEDS.

I'm going to be a great mom!

by the way

These are the shoes I am wearing today. It's all I can do to not burst out singing, "I feel pretty! Oh so preeetty! I feel pretty and witty and gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!"

Because that's Claire's theme song.

siiiiiigh.

Despite the fact that I have been employed here for almost four years, I have never felt more like a temp like I did all day yesterday and will likely feel again today.

This is spring break week for almost all the area schools and NO ONE IS HERE. Honestly, I would say 60% of the total staff is off this week and 85-90% of the HR staff is gone. God effing forbid we have some shit go down at a time like this. Actually, I would love it. Anyway, yesterday I was so bored that I felt like there was nothing interesting left on the internet. I made 4 purchases. I ate leftovers alone at my desk. I looked at the clock 983 times. I checked my email 722 times. I agonised over when I should actually leave and ending up leaving at a rather non-suspect time, quietly and without fanfare.

It was all very sad. And today will probably be more of the same. I have got to get a new job.

lotsa lolla lineup lather

So the lineup was announced on Monday. Correspondingly, I spent a rather significant amount of time drawing up a spreadsheet with all the bands, my knowledge of them, a desire rating to see them on a scale of 1-10, and any additional notes. It was my hope that I could use some or all of this data to create some kind of chart of graph, but I couldn't figure it out how to do it. This all seemed pretty normal to me. But last night, I had the following conversation with my sister Claire:

CQ: "So the lolla lineup is out. . ."
EQ: "Yeah, I know. I created this little excel spreadsheet that had all the bands on it, if I'd heard of them, if I want to see them, and any other information that I thought would be helpful."
CQ: "Helpful for what? Why would you do that?"
EQ: "Um, so I can organise my thoughts about the bands. To be able, to, uh, map out my strategy."
CQ: silence

So another reminder that life is a constant process of self-reflection.

Friday morning sing-a-long!

This morning, something magical happened. Like most magical moments, I wasn't even expecting it. Groggily getting dressed for work this morning, I grabbed a pair of jeans (yay Friday), NOT KNOWING that, in fact, they were my skinny jeans. Which I haven't been able to wear in a while.

BUT NOT TODAY!!!! I'm back in my skinny jeans! I have been triumphantly parading around the office all morning, greedily snorting compliments like fluffy lines of cocaine. It makes me want to siiiiiiiiiing! And so, The Skinny Jean Song.

I'm back in my skinny jeans, back in my skinny jeans
There was a day I thought I'd never fit in 'em
But here I am, looking fab in demin!
'Cause I'm back in skinny jeans, I feel like a winner
Still have a-ways to go
But I certainly don't feel low
In my skinny jeans, so slim and slender!

*

*not my actual skinny jeans, for demonstration purposes only

Dear government, here's some more money that you won't be able to account for.

So I casually mentioned to a friend last night that I'm planning on doing my taxes this weekend. And he said, "What? You haven't done your taxes yet? But they're due in two weeks!" To which I said, "Yes, I have two weeks. This is plenty of time to do my taxes. A lot of people do their taxes at the last minute." I watch the news, I see the long lines at the post offices on the night of the 15th. If I want to be on television and get free doughnuts, I just may very well be one of those people this year.

Then he throws out a completely unfounded statistic, saying that 99% of people have already completed their taxes by this point. I think this is complete and utter bullshit and to prove my point, I'm going to seek out some highly unreliable intranet research on the topic RIGHT NOW.

Okay, I just found this:

Most Americans file their income taxes in late January and early February (shurrup) when they receive their W-2 forms with the aim of receiving a tax refund. Filing diminishes after that point until the last week before the April 15 deadline when between 10 and 20 percent of Americans file their returns.

Meaning that only 80-90% of non-procrastinating Americans have filed up to this time. And that's certainly not a laughable 99%. Ha! Ha!

On a related note, I found these pictures associated with last-minute filing. I definitely plan on looking like one of them when I finish.

This guy is just simply defeated. Because he waited until the last minute AND he's an itemiser! Just look at those receipts! Take the standard and take a break, buddy. Shit.

This guy is just fucking ridiculous. Seriously, they could not have paid this guy enough money to look so gay. Sadly, he kind of looks like an ex-boyfriend of mine. Who, to my knowledge, was not gay, merely your garden-variety stalker-fucker. Good times.

The more I look at this lady, the more it hurts. Calls to mind the old adage, a finger is worth a thousand words. Well said, sir, well said.

On a closing note, while I am not anticipating big problems with the old tax return, my financially inclined friends should probably be aware that I may be contacting you this weekend. Crying. Just send me to voicemail, it will be better for everyone involved.