Peace Accord

Contrary to K's vote of confidence, I think we have a victory on all sides. Lu had definitely poked around the reinforced area the next day, but overall things looked pretty secure. The next morning, I delivered the coup de grace: when getting ready for work, I was in the bathroom with the ex-door and I noticed that Lu was obviously nervous and guilty-looking when lurking nearby. Inspiration struck: I took the bag of door shreds intended for the rubbish pick-up and spread them over the fence area. Last night: untouched. Plus I am keeping her happy with lots of attention and positive reinforcement. Plus I am going to have a dog walker come on Tuesday and Wednesdays, hopefully starting next week.

Plus I will beat her into an oblivion if she doesn't quit pulling this shit.

This means war.

I'm at war with my dog. I fear it will be a fight to the death.

Advantage me: larger brain, opposable thumbs
Advantage Tallulah: at home all day alone, massive separation anxiety complex

War was initiated by Lu last week and was raging for three days before I was even aware of it. Then found note in mailbox left by neighbor that she had been running around the neighborhood via large escape hole under the fence. Which she would then CRAWL BACK UNDER to be home like nothing happened when I got home at night.

My response was admittedly weak, but it was dark and cold and I was exhausted: stuck bag of firewood into hole.

Tallulah promptly responded the next day by digging new hole next to original one and losing her collar somewhere.

First round: Tallulah, definitely.

I planned on staying home pretty much all weekend, but had to attend an engagement party Saturday night. Since I hadn't fixed the holes yet, I put Lu in the guest bathroom for a few hours. I lovingly placed one of her dog beds, a chewie, and some water for her comfort. Tallulah retaliated by EATING THE ENTIRE BACK OF THE DOOR. I came home to a large pile of sawdust at the base of the door. I open the door to find five times more sawdust and the water tipped over, so the room is an intoxicating blend of wet wood and panicked dog. I spend next hour cleaning up crap and Lu sleeps in basement. She tries to get me back chewing up some newspaper, but it doesn't faze me.

Second round: Tallulah, with the door and all. But my anger is brewing.

Sunday I set about repairing the hole and devising some way to win the war once and for all. In the bottom of the holes I placed a layer of firewood logs stacked side-by-side. Then a layer of metal netting staked down, topped with a lot of top soil all tamped down in it. Lastly, a shit load of black pepper all over the place. Hopefully she will get a snootful of pepper in her face and become afraid of the site. If she makes it to the netting, I'm hoping this will mystify her to the point of surrender. And there's no way she can move the logs.

Third round: God I hope me. Because otherwise shit is going to go down.

Can she just dig elsewhere along the fence line? Perhaps. But she has always dug here, so maybe my obvious attempts to keep her in the yard will translate to some kind of reassurance of love in her tiny dog brain. And besides, she doesn't really want to get out, she just wants attention.

Tonight: Judgement Day.

Strooooolling down meeeeemory lane

I was just sitting here in my office when a memory struck me from my college years. One of my best friends at the time, Cat Wall, had a dream/nightmare about an impending date. In reality, Cat met some guy at a frat party who went to UT. He invited her to his own fraternity party the next weekend and she accepted. Towards the end of the night, she asked him what fraternity he was in, and he replied the music fraternity. Throughout the week leading up to the date, Cat became more progressively stressed out about the date to the point that she had a dream about it.

In the dream, she brings me and another friend of ours as buffers to the party, which is actually more like a prom. Everyone is in formal dress and--as she imagined a music fraternity party to be--the party sucks. Everyone is lame and nerdy and we are having a terrible time. At the end of the dream, we retreat to a corner of the ballroom to sit at a large, tableclothed round table. To our surprise, another friend of ours, Kevin, is already sitting there, bowtie loosened, feet on the table, and smoking a cigarette. We all turn to look at him: Kevin looks around the room at the other partygoers, takes a deep drag on his cigarette, and proclaims, "Classic dorks." End of the dream.

That's really the post. A memory about someone else's dream. But in real life Cat did indeed drag both of us to the party and it did indeed suck. Differences included that it was at somebody's lakehouse versus a ballroom, attire was casual, and Cat and I beat two of the frat guys in a pool game, whereupon the ENTIRE FRATERNITY serenaded us in nineteen-part harmony.

The woot of all genius.

So a while ago, a random friend told me about woot.com . In a nutshell, this site sells one item per day for a set price. When that item is gone, you have to wait until midnight eastern time for a new item to post (the exception being the occasional but ever-exciting woot-off in which multiple products may be for sale in a subsequent fashion one day).

Needless to say, I am fascinated. I have yet to actually purchase a woot offering, and they tend to favour the technical/computery side of things, but the accompanying commentary and product description is always worth the visit. To wit: today's offering? A bag of random crap. For $1. And they sold out. IN FOUR MINUTES. God I hope you are reading this blog TODAY so you can read the product info. If not, here are some highlights:

Crap is a many-splendored thing. If crap be the food of love, crap on. It is better to have crapped and lost than never to have crapped at all. Crap, lift us up where we belong.

Yes, crap is in the air once again, so we're sending this randomly crappy, bag-shaped valentine to all the people we really love. If you don't manage to get one, it's because we're sulking over something you've done to upset us. Try to guess what it was!

and:

THE HOLY CRAP COMMANDMENTS v2.0:
I. Thou shalt expect nothing beyond one bag of some kind and your chosen quantity of crappy items (which should be THREE).
II. Thou shalt not whine and complain when some people's crap turns out to be nicer than yours.
III. Thou shalt take a moment to consider whether you might be better off just not buying this crap.
IV. Thou shalt not order just one crap and blame it on anything but your own inattention.
V. To paraphrase Stephen Stills, shalt thou not get the crap you want, want the crap you get.

Warranty: you wish

Features:
1 (one) bag
Some (some) crap

To quote woot.com, God bless the internet.

Le Porc Rose!

Continuing on in the grand tradition of thing-that-happened-over-two-months-ago, I present to you camera pics I took of Claire's and my adventure on Macy's Pink Pig ride last November. We actually bought "reserved" tickets, meaning we didn't have to stand in line with the rest of the riff-raff and we got free commemorative badges! Despite the ride being billed as "for children of all ages," it was decidedly not. Claire and I were the only ones over eight and we quickly discovered that we needed to sit in one car. Each.

Here is a pic of Claire having fake fun. Note child in wonder behind her.

Another picture of Claire next to the stationary car for scale purposes.
The overwhelming sign that greeted us upon entrance into THE PINK PIG TENT.
For kicks, they had the original pink pig car on display. A couple of things about this: a) it was not pink. ???? b) it was microscopic, easily half the size of the hip, new pink pig car. And enclosed! How did the kiddies of the 50's do it??? I'll tell you: no growth hormones and preservatives in everything they ate, that's how.
Afterwards, we bought a wooden pink pig train Christmas tree ornament.