Past Weekend Keywords: Debauchery, Excess

Gin was in town this weekend. We went ninety-to-nothing the entire time. To sum:

Plane
Dinner
Drinks
Lunch
Nails
Rain
Beers
Dinner
Wine
Green Market
Park
Lunch
Sangria
Pet Store
Dog Wash
Coffees
Video
Dinner
Rain
Campari and sodas
Drinks
Pool
Beer
Wine
Brunch
Plane

I came home and flat-out crashed-out. Voice is reedy and awash with exhaustion. Will to live weak. Really want to read The Dante Club (which I am FINALLY getting into) over lunch, but just realised I left it at home. I also missed my dentist appointment this morning. I'm a mess.

Above is a picture of Ginny posing against a ghettofabulous car we spotted on Friday. The funny thing about it is I suspect Ginny would rather be set on fire than actually be any kind of driver-of or passager-in this car.

This is how exciting our life is

Can you see this? Like, actually read the words? Because if you can't, there's no point to this post. As is, there's very little. I just wanted to illustrate what morons my sister and I are. This is how it is pretty much everyday. We also spend a lot of time saying "Heeeello?" in weird voices on the phone to each other and then silent throat laughing for a few minutes after we crack ourselves up.

Important Announcement

I'd just like to let you guys know something. One of my favourite moments of all time is the Looney Toons cartoon in which Daffy is shown on a island veeeeeery far away from the camera angle. He announces, "I'm ready for my closssth-up!" to which the camera responds by moving just a little bit closer. Daffy indignantly responds, "THIS IS A CLOSSSTH-UP?" and the camera immediately zooms in and smooshes his beak.

Comedy classic. Highly recommended.

The Life of the Work-Life Balance

So I had a date last night. I can't remember the last time I went on a bona fide DATE. I wore a skirt and everything. Of course it was my Sri Lankan longi (which is technically a man's skirt), but a skirt nonetheless. I definitely appreciate how much more relaxed and confident of myself I am at 29 than I was at, say, earlier in my twenties. I remember being very nervous and chattery on dates then--and it was completely irrelevant if I actually liked the fella or not. I guess I'm saying that I like the feel of my own skin. I'm also way less of a shallow stuck-up bitch than I used to be, things that used to be ABSOLUTE DEAL BREAKERS aren't really anymore. And by ABSOLUTE DEAL BREAKERS, I mean stupid shit like what kind of car he drove or his name (although I do still draw the line at Wayne or Dwayne).

The car thing reminds me that my freshman year roommate broke up with a guy once because he drove a Monte Carlo.

Hmm, thinking about mean guy treatment reminds me that I once ended a date by saying, "Well, see ya never," and slammed the door in his face. I also told a guy after a TERRIBLE HORRIBLE date when he still wanted to walk me to my car that I would rather have a bunch of gorillas jump out of the bushes and rape me than have him walk me to my car. Then I ran away.

So anyway, the date. Jesus, 900 tangents. It was good. I'll see him again.

Take the skinheads bowling, take them bowling.

Action shots of our bowling excursion this weekend. I like Erich's look of SHOCK in the second one. Must have been in reaction to me KICKING ASS in the first game. Game two was tight, but Erich squeaked by in a naaaaaarow victory. I tell you, nothing prepares you for the game like an undergraduate course in the sport. Needless to say, arm pretty sore all day yesterday.

Documentation of my illness for your viewing pleasure.

Originally uploaded by smelly_.

Ah lovely, the receptacle for all my snot rags! It's veritably teeming at the moment.

More sick pics

Originally uploaded by smelly_.

Close-up of sick bed. Note thermometer to capture wildly varying readings. Various remotes to telly and DVD player. Book that I don't have patience to read right now. It's called The Dante Club. Interesting premise but it's moving veeeeery slowly.

Originally uploaded by smelly_.

Note tomato soup and orange juice waiting for me. They won't help. Note box of tissues waiting to torment me. They are the unlotioned kind. My nose feels like ground meat. POOOOOOOOO!

Shit some kid just lit a pile of fireworks right out in the middle of the street. I about had an aneurysm. Thank god I sedated the dog. I have a mind to go out and breathe on the street kids.

Casa de la Enfermedad

Casa de la Enfermedad
Originally uploaded by smelly_.

God I love three day weekends. So much so that I got REALLY sick and stayed in bed the entire time! Here is my sick bed. Note pillows in prop position. This is so I can breathe and not drown in my own mucus. Note book and used tissues. Discarded robe when I was HOT. It will go back on in approximately three minutes when I am ICE COLD.

Independence Day

I'm listening to about a skillion fireworks going off right now. It's almost 9:30pm, I'm in my jammies, and the dog is sedated. It's been a very exciting weekend for me, let's see. . . Friday: not feeling that bad, got some meds to stave off a sore throat that has been getting worse over the last week. Boom! The fireworks are really kicking in. Okay, Saturday AM: wake up. Feel like death. Venture out for essentials, then back to bed. Watch telly and some films. Sleep. Sickness progresses. Voice grows deeper. Breathing becomes more belaboured. Pattern begins to emerge:

cough
sneeze
watering eyes
hot
cough
sleepy
sneeze
cold
cough
blow nose
covers
no covers
sleep
cough
sneeze


And so on and so forth. To sum, I am sick. Day three of definite sickness. Cabin fever is raging. Happy Fourth!

Holy freaking crap.

Originally uploaded by smelly_.

Do you know what this guy did? This guy here to the left? This little old seemingly fragile sweet looking old man? HE KILLED A LEOPARD THAT WAS ATTACKING HIM BY RIPPING OUT ITS TONGUE. I shit ye not. Read it for yourself:

http://www.eastandard.net/hm_news/news.php?articleid=23419

This man is 73. I'm 29 and I would have just quietly crawled into the leopard's stomach with no resistance whatsoever and waited to be dissolved by its stomach acid.

A shout out to my girl Kat Pace for bringing this breaking news story to my attention. Peace what up boo?

Screen on the Green: Mommie Dearest

SOTG1
Originally uploaded by smelly_.

SOTG was last night. I can't believe it was the first (and likely only) one I went to this year. Skillions of people there--the pic is pre-show milling about. Warm air, blankets and chairs, drinks and munchies with thousands of your closest friends. It was great. During the show, the audience shouted out famous lines, cheered and clapped, ooh'ed and ah'ed. It was fun. I love the city for things like this. More below.

SOTG2
Originally uploaded by smelly_.

More people wandering around pre-show. So many peeps there, the queens of ATL were definitely in full force. It's Pride Weekend here, so this was the unofficial opening event really.

sOTG3
Originally uploaded by smelly_.

And ah a beautiful sunset to cap it all off. Now hurry up sun and go down--we need our Mommie Dearest fix.

Tina, bring. me. the. ax!

MUSIC MIDTOWN 2005

mm2
Originally uploaded by smelly_.

I went, I listened, I was rained upon.

Friday night was AMAZING. Interpol (picture taken during their set) were very good, but nothing prepared us for the almighty White Stripes set. My god those motherfuckers can rock. They were fantastic. I heart them. Even though Jack has a little black worm for a moustache now. Meg's breasts were bobbling up and down as she drummed, very sexy but perhaps painful? Anyway, so worth it. So great. More pics beloooow.

mm
Originally uploaded by smelly_.

This is Music Midtown during the day. Sunday, in fact--the band playing here is Def Leppard. The guitars/drums/whatnot still pretty much sounded the same, but poor Joe Elliot must have one paper-thin single reedy reed left for his vocal cords. He didn't even bother with the high notes.

tat
Originally uploaded by smelly_.

This is my favourite pic of the night. Loitering outside the porta-potties, two-fistin' it with a hoodie on.

tat2
Originally uploaded by smelly_.

Here is Tat a little while later, veritably ROCKING OUT. A little scary, non? Tip: Never mess with a woman who can headbang.

Summertiiiiiiime

mag
Originally uploaded by smelly_.

and the living is eaaaaaasy

Summer is in full force in the ATL, just take a look at the magnolia bush in my back yard. And why yes, I DO believe I'll refresh this mint julep, oh isn't this heat just simply atrocious, Lulubelle?

Faustian Foibles

Originally uploaded by smelly_.

Today, Corporate America has taken another little bit of my soul. I will attempt to restore it this weekend with copious amounts of vice.

But even now I know, there's a hole in me that will never be completely filled. Damn my money-grubbing, capitalistic ways! If only I could have been a non-profiteer.

We lost!

Oh, how we lost! Something like 7-16, just dreadful. Although it was pretty much all over in the first innning when the score was 1-12; after that (statistically), we did much better. It was drizzling with ominous rumblings of thunder in the distance when we started, as if God was saying, "Any minute, aaaaany minute, I could go flashey flashey with lightning and explode your punk ass." But by the middle of the "game", it had cleared up quite nicely and there was even a cooling breeze to boot. I made a run, but this was quickly overshadowed by a double play for two outs made on the same bat (poo). I also had the last out of the game, which I didn't realise until I was walking back to the dugout and every one was walking out saying "good game" and high-fiving and shit.

But then I drank two beers and had a sandwich and everything was ok. Summer is officially here. Well, psuedo-officially. Actually, the Summer solstice is widely regarded as the official start of the season. It is June 21 and is also the longest day of the year. Learning is fun!

blah blah

This weekend I cleaned my house so much that I almost made myself sick. Literally. Woke up this morning with a horribly sore throat, the result of ingesting approx 900 pounds of dust particles. This happened with fervor on two occasions during the cleaning endeavour:

1. While emptying bin in laundry room, pulled it out of the bag I was emptying it into too soon and got a faceful of laundry lint.

2. Laid down a fairly heavy layer of carpet powder on the hall runner and turned on vacuum. Vacuum explodes powder and dust all over the hall. I turn off vacuum and run awaaaaaay to let dust settle. I return later to discover that my mother--who had used said appliance last--removed the ostensibly full vacuum bag and neglected to replace with fresh one. Thanks, Ma.

Anyway, when I woke up this morning with 7 pieces of ragged glass in my throat, I immediately decided to call in late to work and go on sleeping. And it seemed to work: throat much better after 9.5 hours sleep and tall chai latte. Funny how that happens.

We have our first softball game tonight. Maybe. Might be rained out or not enough women show. So lame if the latter. Although it would be good to be able to go to the farmer's market to actually buy some food for my house. I have prepared some very creative meals lately.

What I Hate: Part One, Volume One

I hate slacker coworkers. Come in after you, leave before you. Constantly complain about how busy they are, and how much stuff they have to do, while you seethe quietly and think, "WHY DON'T YOU TRY FUCKING ACTUALLY WORKING YOU FUCKING FUCK?!?!?!??" Schedule all doctor appointments for the middle of the day and never come back, attend all 900 of Johnny's school activities, call in sick at the whisper of illness, two hour lunches, days of idle chatter and gossip with other slackers. God I hate slacker coworkers.

Gnome Sweet Gnome

Originally uploaded by smelly_.

At left, the office gnome that C got me for my birthday--as you can see, he is already right at home.

So how was your Memorial Day Weekend? Mine was great! Keywords:

Plane
Drink
Cubbies
Shop
Drink
Walk
Mani/Pedi
Drink
Park
Shop
Music
Sun
Drink
Plane

Now: exhausted and bleary, as per the usual.

Do tell me about yours.

FRIDAY!

Friday!
Originally uploaded by smelly_.

Hey, it's Friday! Let's celebrate! Wave some wavey-things around! Cheer loudly! Friday is here! Show us your pits! Yah!

Man oh man

My body aches and my brain hurts. I've been fueled by substandard sleep and burned coffee. I am headed for a crash if I am not careful. This weekend: hibernation. Not leaving the house or getting dressed on Sunday if I can help it.

Well, my mother left. Cumulatively, she was here for seven weeks. What's that? Oh, no--that's no misprint, here let me tell you again: SEVEN WEEKS. Holy crap. In her wake, she has left the house in a pretty wrecked state and approximately seven projects half-done. Hmm, that's like one project per week! Great! All that said, I cried when leaving her at the airport. Emotionally, I am split between wanting to protect and take care of her and wanting her to take care of me. She is the simply the most incredibly procrastinating, biggest starter-and-never-finishin', ice-cream-eatin', used-tissue-leaving, slobbiest mcslobster I have ever had the pleasure of sharing my adult home with. And I love her to pieces.

I just hope I got a few more of my father's genes.

oh wait

Oh yeah I also went to Athens for the first time ever. Walked around with sister, shopped, ate, etc. Nobody told me how cheap the drinks were until we got BACK. Thanks.

It's come to my attention that I haven't posted in 10 days. Here is what has happened during the hiatus:

1. Went to a party last Saturday night, I didn't get laid, I got in a fight. Uh huh, it ain't no big thing. Okay, starting over:

1. Went to a couple parties last weekend, had an unbelievable steak that I could have cut with the side of my fork oh my god it was so good.

2. With horrible hangover ranging, went with sister to Braves game. Had large hot dog and soda the size of my head. Sat in the shade. Tried not to throw up. We won. Yay. Afterwards, watched a group of high school boys perform a mini drum-line. Incredible. I see talent like that and the whole ghetto gangsta shit just makes me so mad, what a waste.

3. Mother came back into town, house began to disintegrate once again. Put sister on plane Wednesday, one down, one to go. Tell myself I can make it until Thursday (when Mum leaves).

4. Mum tells me she is staying another week. I restrain every atom of my being to NOT FLIP THE FUCK OUT. Drinking intake exponentially increases, state of house begins to further disintegrate.

5. Take Basic Accounting and Finance course as part of my compensation certification process. Feels like a preview into grad school. I like it. Mum begins to start picking up after herself and tidying up the house. My world is blown.

6. Go to Weezer concert. Great show, haven't felt a vibe like that since shows in Austin. Hot as fuck in the venue, just sweated and smiled. Hang out until dawn with a friend, playing music and shooting the shit. Ran around in the rain.

7. Watched Hotel Rwanda, cried a lot. Emotionally overwhelming. Then Undertow. Beautifully filmed. Then Supersize Me. I like that guy.

That's it. Hope you feel caught up and satisfied. Oh, today. Today everyone is a fucking asshole. Except you.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Originally uploaded by smelly_.

Man I cannot wait to get out of here! Got a great weekend coming up, excited and ready to cut loose. Cut loose! CUT IT LOOSE!

tonight: party. then out and about
tomorrow: Athens. then party.
Sunday: Braves game. then dinner.

YAY!

busy brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I've got a lot of stuff going on right now. I just had to scribble everything down on a post-it so I would remember everything. Between now and Sunday, there are 8 appointments/events I must keep/attend. It makes me feel like I am driving fast without my seatbelt on.

Also, my boss just left. Very tempted to leave early. Actually, it wouldn't even be since I stayed late yesterday. And the day before. Hmm.

LATERS!

Before I go, a shout-out to my friend K for the Braves vouchers. You rock. I told my sister I had a surprise for her for Sunday, and she was like what is it? And I said, it's a surprise. And she said, is it a Braves game? And I said (quietly), yessss. But she was really excited, since she's never been to one, so I don't care as much about her blowing the surprise.


Hey, would you like to hear that story again? Anyway, thanks K.

Getting blotto at Le Campanard

getting blotto at Le Campanard
Originally uploaded by smelly_.

Here is a pic of my sis, fellow PCV Tracy, and me at a bar in Bamako last September. We were pre-drunk here. Later, Leah would throw up, I would become hysterical thinking I had lost all my cash and passport, and a gigantic rainstorm would crash all around us for two hours.

Today I will start off on a new foot with Leah. I know that if we continue this sullen teenager-grumpy parent routine the entire time she is here, we will both soon regret it. So I came in at dawn-thirty so I can go home earlier and spend time with her.

I think we'll drink--it is, after all, the classic Quin family pasttime.

Family Ties

MumLeahElMay05
Originally uploaded by smelly_.

Here's a lovely Spring pic of my mum, sister Leah, and me sitting outside for Sunday lunch. They are here for an extended visit.

I'm ready to kill them both.

Oh Jenny.

Originally uploaded by smelly_.

So I got this live ep of Rilo Kiley's (after wearing holes in More Adventurous), and there is a song on it called Somebody Else's Clothes. And from that song, these lyrics have been in my brain ALL EFFING DAY.

Just fucking love me
I'm tired of leaving
and waking up
in somebody else's clothes

Indeed.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWN!

Originally uploaded by smelly_.

I'm tired. You're tired. Jesus, even this leopard is tired. I've had two late nights in a row. Not dealing well. Brain needs sleeeeeeeeeep!

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!!!!!!!

Kat and I are going to see this band tonight. They have an interesting website, kinda slow to load tho. We're going to rock out with the kids tonight. But we are getting drunk first.

miscellaneous musings

God I love David Rees. I want to have his hilarious baby.

On a psuedo-related tangent, I just got some good news. My latest test from the doc came back NORMAL. Which means all cell action is pretty healthy in my cervix. Which means they don't have to do another emotionally and physically-draining biopsy. Which means I don't have to wait on pins and needles for three weeks for results. Which means I don't have to needlessly worry about if I am dying or sterile or effed up in some sort of other way.

So that's good.

Oldies but goodies

There's a lot of good new music out there. To wit, I recently posted about Rilo Kiley, and I have been getting into Interpol and Iron&Wine and whatnot. And it's good shit. But nothing, NOTHING compares to the classics. Woxy.com just played The La's "There She Goes." And my brain went from vaguely-tired-eh-mid-to-late-afternoon-bleh to YAY-SLAPPED-AWAKE-AND-FEELING-FINE!!!!

God bless The La's!

eff you.

God I wish K would stop opposite-copying me. I have a bad day yesterday, she has a GREAT DAY FULL OF LOVE. Pleeeeease.

Just to show her, I am having an amazing day today. Well, a good one, anyway. At the very least it is FLYYYYYING by. . . and now that I've said that, I'm sure it is going to crawl by for the remainder of the afternoon. I'm jinxed. And it's all HER fault.

Dammit I've got the blues

Dammit I've got the blues
Originally uploaded by smelly_.

Feeling sad today. I'm tired and my body hurts. Low energy and low mind.

I've got the blues.

Where's my harmonica?

goo goo gee ga

Baby Octopus
Originally uploaded by smelly_.

On another note, this is a leeetle tiny baby octopus!!! Amazing!!!

Well that's just great

El and K
Originally uploaded by smelly_.

Had a great birthday weekend, replete with friends, a cook-out and outdoor film viewing. To cap it all off, Karen and I take a photo where I do not look completely hideous. Except that my breasts are completely hanging out.

So it's a girl gone wild, really.

Gah!

Blogga wouldn't let me in all day until now. . . and now I've forgotten what I was going to post about. Damn you, free service that I take for granted, DAMN YOOOOOOU!!

On a band-y note, I got tickets for Rilo Kiley's next show in the ATL (June 6 @ Variety, for those interested parties), AND tickets for a show in Chicago when I am visiting Claire over the Mem Day hol weekend. They are called Saturday Looks Good To Me and it should be a good show. As opposed to all the shitty, horrible shows I pay money to see.

Ah, now I'm remembering. Last night I got home approx 7pm to discover that my marvelous, wonderful, well-behaved pup Tallulah had EATEN MY BEDROOM DOOR. Let me back up. This dog is absolutely PETRIFIED of rain, thunder, lightning, things overhead, things moving too fast, unknown environments, grass twitching, light breezes, etc. I exaggerate un petit peu, but--seriously--she FLIPS OUT during thunderstorms. Come to think of it, I believe I have mentioned something like this before on this blog. So I don't need to go into all of it all over again.

Anyway, I come home. Everything seems fine, she's acting a little weird, but not I-just-destroyed-something-pretty-major-weird. I turn off the alarm, give her a biscuit, go get the mail, leaf through and drop it on the table, turn to go down the hall, turn on the light, and freeze, looking at approximately 9 pounds of shredded wood littering the hallway. While I still standing there, I hear Tallulah veeeeery quietly creep away back into the living room to hide underneath the Chinese table. When I am able to move again, it's my turn to FLIP THE FUCK OUT. The front panel on the door from waist-down is GONE. Ribbons of plywood are peeling up, and the frame slats inside the door are bared. In other words, it is totally effed. I draaaaaag Tallulah to the mess, shout a lot, draaaaag her all the way downstairs and boot her outside. I go over to pop her on the bootie and she howls, "Ahh-ooooooooooooo" all piteously. Pussy. I didn't even touch her. I was going to, but then I spied the kids next door playing in their back yard and I didn't want any witnesses. So I just shook my finger vigorously and let her know that she was a very BAD GIRL! (meaning that she heard MWAK MWAK!) and left her outside for two hours before I caved and let her back in, but only into the basement. Then upstairs, but only into the living room. Then I just completely backed down and let her sleep with me that night. I'm a great dog owner!

On another note, I got asked out on a date tonight. I'm very pleased. We're going to go see a play.

oh god so bad

roll
Originally uploaded by smelly_.

And THIS was my dessert! Split it with Linda (boss), though, so not as bad as it could have been. But it was bad. So bad. So bad it was fantastic.

scrummy crepe

crepe
Originally uploaded by smelly_.

Stopped in at a little cafe for takeaway lunch. Very pleased with my chicken crepe (at right). More delicious than my little camera can convey.

car cameraman

wisteria
Originally uploaded by smelly_.

Here's a shot I took hanging out the passenger side of my car at a stop light. This is the most beautiful time of year in the ATL, almost everything is in bloom, from the wisteria to the azealas to the yoshinos to the bradford pears to the tulip trees. And it's just beautiful.

And I call you and say C'MERE!

Originally uploaded by smelly_.

I highly recommend this record. Just in case you needed a musical recommendation.

'Til Tuesday

Had an uncomfortable dream last night. At first it started out really good, Claire and I were on the floor of some building and we were going through all these clothes that were being thrown out and we were finding some really cool stuff. I was all excited about these new clothes, and we packed them into carrier bags and were walking out. When we got outside, I realised I didn't have my bag, so I went back inside and my clothes were all strewn about on the landing of the second floor. And I knew that this girl had done this somehow and I was very angry and yelling at her. She got really upset and started crying and I felt bad so I gave her a hug and was like just get some help. And then she made a pass at me and I was like ew don't touch me and I pushed her away and ran away.

I'm not sure why I am having dreams with lesbian overtones. I think it's because I talked to the woman who cuts my lawn yesterday who I am fairly sure is gay and she seems to have a crush on me.

These people rock.

These people rock.
Originally uploaded by smelly_.

Shake It Records is a, uh, record store in Cincinnati, Ohio. They advertise on woxy.com, the BEST ONLINE RADIO STATION IN THE UNIVERSE, and today I ordered special EPs from Rilo Kiley, Iron and Wine, and Interpol for a mere $15. On top of that, shipping was only $2. Two dollars! Very cool. Highly recommended.

www.shakeitrecords.com

I can hear you, asshole!!!

Fucking IM guy
Originally uploaded by smelly_.

Because my company is effing retarded and uber-hyper about security, they have a totalitarian policy whereby you are prohibited from downloading anything on your computer EVER. This sucks for business purposes (survey data software, for example), but mostly for my personal needs (instant messager, for example). Consequently, my only option is to access the web-only version of IM, which used to be okay. But lately, it boots me off indiscriminately approximately 900 times per day. It doesn't even tell me when it does it, which would be helpful, since I have wasted a skillion minutes a) composing witty bits of hilarity to my friends only to find out that I'm not online, and b) thinking my friends hate me and are not IM'ing back.

Obviously, the company should just let me download the app so we could avoid these problems all together.

Haiku Review: Sin City

Haiku Review: Sin City
Originally uploaded by smelly_.

Very violent
Amazing special effects
I'd see it again

FAME AND FORTUNE!

Hmmph! Very pleased with myself--I sent my version of a My Fighting Technique is Unstoppable (see 30 Mar post) comic to the creator, David Rees, and below is his reply!

Ha! Thanks for sending this.

Best wishes,

David Rees

http://www.mnftiu.cc

So not exactly OVERFLOWING with emotion, but still it was nice of him to reply.

As you can see, I'm practically a celebrity now.

jerry and sam

jerry and sam
Originally uploaded by smelly_.

My friend Andy sent this to me. Apparently it's been making the rounds at his office.

You can almost hear Jerry's soulful rendition of "Sloop John B" as Sam peacefully stargazes.

Breathtaking.

RIP, Pope. 1920-2005

RIP, Pope. 1920-2005
Originally uploaded by smelly_.

His passing has made me incredibly sad. It feels like a distant relative that I really liked but never got to know well died. I admired his steadfastness on issues even when I didn't agree with his positions. His enthusiasm for life and people was obviously passionate, from his goofy smiles and faces at babies to his cheering for breakdancers and musicians. He was a man who didn't seem like just a man despite his humble nature. He was a good pope. He was my pope.

FUCKING AWESOME!!!!

"She caught that baby, put it to her chest, gave me a look, like, 'I gotta go,' closed the door, put the van in gear and away she went."
-- Gas station co-owner Lloyd Goff

http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/03/31/station.delivery.ap/index.html

I would not eff with this woman, she is one tough mama to say the least.

MNIMTIU

MNIMTIU
Originally uploaded by smelly_.

This is today's creative attempt. If you don't know My New Fighting Technique is Unstoppable, you should.

http://www.mnftiu.cc/mnftiu.cc/home.html

Moments in idiocy

ALL DAY I have been suffering through the effects of a nasty hangover making its way through my system. Cause? Oh, just closing down the bar yesterday on Karaoke Night. Or should I say this morning. I sang Brass in Pocket, but that is neither here nor there. I wasn't even fully aware that I was doing this until they announced it was the last song and the lights went on. Bryan and I both looked at our watches and then each other with a silent, "What did we just do?" But Bryan did not have to work today. And I did. Woke up at 7:55 am with the help of no alarm (forgot to set it), and did the "wait, what day is this?" brain buster until I deduced that fuck it's Friday and I am late for work. I did, however, make record time, screeching in at 9am.

Anyway, have been feeling just generally shit all day. Was paranoid at first that people would know (like smell the alcohol seeping out of my pores), and while that is still a likelihood, I just don't give a fuck anymore. Yeah, I went out last night. Yeah, I got effed up and dragged ass in here today. Yeah, I know I look like shit. Yeah, I know my eyes are glassy and my skin is pasty. What of it? You want a piece of this? Back off!

To be fair, I rarely do this. Now I remember why. Oh yeah, the point of all of this: about 9 minutes ago, it occured to me that I could take some ibruprofen or something to make my head not hurt as much. All day, silently suffering, never even thought about it. So lame.

Best. Photo. Ever.

Best. Photo. Ever.
Originally uploaded by smelly_.

I don't even know where to start.

Okay. First, the dog drool splatter. The picture was snapped RIGHT AT the moment of cat-paw-into-dog-jaw impact, thus capturing the spray of dog saliva. This photographic coup is only made sweeter by the irony that this is dog is a boxer. Next, the cat's expression, one of total bustedness. 100% caught in the act, plus the yellow flashy reflection for added flair. Lastly, the amazing sidekick to the head--an acrobatic feat rarely mustered by humans, let alone a cat. Well done. Well fucking done.

Magnifique!

I don't know WHY I am telling you this

I don't know WHY I am telling you this
Originally uploaded by smelly_.

I saw Marathon Man for the first time the other week. I had no idea what it was about, so was surprised to see Dustin Hoffman as a rather sexy young hero type and Laurence Olivier as a sadistic ex-Nazi dentist. IS IT SAFE? (those who have seen it know what I am talking about) Anyway, the other night I dreamt that I was sitting with a group of people in a living room watching telly and Dustin walks in (young, cute, sexy Dustin, NOT old, craggy, yicky Dustin) and sits next to me on the couch. He has a blanket or a folded-out sleeping bag, which he lays over himself, like snuggling in (I get the feeling we are at some big co-ed sleepover). But part of the blanket covers me as well, and soon I feel Dustin's hand holding mine. And I feel ridiculously happy, sitting there secretly holding hands with young Dustin Hoffman.

FIN.

Proof positive of shared DNA

Tallulah3190: hey
Bunny Underpants: hey
Bunny Underpants: i said hey sir!!!!
Tallulah3190: hey
Tallulah3190: sorry hang on
Bunny Underpants: cool
Tallulah3190: ok sorry
Tallulah3190: purse arrived
Tallulah3190: it's pretty cute
Tallulah3190: real leather
Bunny Underpants: yah!
Tallulah3190: craftmanships not great, but ok
Bunny Underpants: well it'll be nice regardless
Bunny Underpants: she'll appreciate the effort
Tallulah3190: I think she will be pleased, with the intention if nothing
else
Tallulah3190: right
Bunny Underpants: exactly
Bunny Underpants: RIGHT
Tallulah3190: yes
Bunny Underpants: EXACTLY
Tallulah3190: I KNOW
Tallulah3190: FINE!
Bunny Underpants: ME TOOOOOO
Tallulah3190: I GET IT
Bunny Underpants: FINE
Tallulah3190: COMPRENDE
Bunny Underpants: capiche
Tallulah3190: ALLES KLAR
Bunny Underpants: lol
Tallulah3190: lol ok quit
Bunny Underpants: ok you got me /w the german
Tallulah3190: Ja wohl!
Bunny Underpants: lol again
Bunny Underpants: vunderbar!
Bunny Underpants: alles goed
Tallulah3190: sehr gut!
Bunny Underpants: eh
Bunny Underpants: it's good?
Tallulah3190: um very good
Tallulah3190: damn can you email me this exchange?
Bunny Underpants: uh seriously
Bunny Underpants: as riveting as our underlying competitive exchanges
are...
Tallulah3190: no I thought it was really funny
Bunny Underpants: ah
Bunny Underpants: well okay then!
Tallulah3190: and I can't cut and paste IMs
Bunny Underpants: aw
Tallulah3190: sniffle wiffle pizzle

pathetic.

pathetic.
Originally uploaded by smelly_.

This is truly the saddest post I've ever made on this blog. I went to a bodysculpting class last night, and IT KICKED MY ASS. It was ridiculous. I hobbled out of there, already in some serious discomfort. Took a reeeally hot bath, which helped a lot (ta, C), but today. TODAY. Today I am in some serious pain. I got out of my chair after sitting for a while and my legs would only respond in a stiff, soldier's gait ala no kneecaps. I dropped something on the floor and just looked at it, knowing I wouldn't be able to bend down to pick it up. And the toilet. Well, let's just let the pic do the talking, hmm?

I'm totally going back next week.

I know it's been a little bit

orbach
Originally uploaded by smelly_.

But I really miss this guy. Lenny!

Our spiritual father indeed. I only hope God realizes there's no WAY he can put Jerry in the corner.

aha

So I just figured something out. If you are having a crappy time of something, just find someone who has it worse and focus on them--by comparision, your problems will simply meeeeelt away. My boss is SERIOUSLY stressing right now. Like I thought she was just about to cry a second ago. She couldn't even talk. So I sent her a cheer-up ecard and now I feel pretty good about my shit. It's all about perspective.

Not trying to trivialize her problems. But they do kind of help me deal with mine. And isn't that what good old Darwinism is all about?

to do: everyfuckingthing

I'm stressed out.

For the last two weeks, my right lower eyelid has had a tic. I have also been prone to right temple headaches in addition to several frustrating and upsetting dreams. The capper? My skin is threatening to revolt: last week I was only just able to crush a rebellion uprising on my nose, and now my left cheek is looking suspect. Why is my body in such distress?

the big shit

1. GMAT exam is Feb 5
2. DICK people at work making my job a constant battle
3. House is a mess

Then there are the little retarded things that manage to stress me out, like I need to sort out papers and burn CDs and reframe photos and stupid shit that I know I shouldn't worry about but I am.

My friend called me last night to tell me she just got engaged. This is adjacent to yet another area of stress in my life, the one that involves the scenario of me dying alone. I'm also going to be 29 in three months.

Fuck, I have to stop doing this before I just completely lose it.

oh yeah

So I've been pretty lame lately. Not going out, eating at home, studying and doing homework. Typical weekday is wake/commute/work/gym/commute/eat/homework/telly/bed. Very boring. But I'm getting kind of used to it.

Then today I passed by this guy and got a faint whiff of his cologne. And I was like, oh yeah--cologne men crush flutter heart kiss hold sex relationship ET CETERA. Not only have I not thought about any of those concepts in a while, I realized that I don't have time for them right now.

And it made me sad.

success!

The dog has been reunited with its owners! The vet's office called today to say that a lady came in this AM to pick up her dogs from boarding, saw the FOUND poster, recognized the dog as her neighbor's, and bigbangboom, the dog is safe at home with its rightful owner. Yay.

The lady called me later to personally thank me. She sounded old, told me she lost her husband and other dog (a lot older) last year, so finding this pup was extra special for her. I felt my heart go all squiggly and asked her, "Where's my fucking reward, BITCH???"

Of course I didn't do that. I just murmured and listened and said you're welcome and that was it.

But I was thinking it.

props up

Normally I avoid all mention of people who are funnier than me, but this demands exception. A snippet from a recent email of Claire's in which she COMPLETELY nails our aged parentals.

How to tell if you're becoming an old wrinklie:
1) a panto is loud
2) you can't drive without the assistance of two other people in the car who can still operate their neck
3) you buy so much overstock of ovaltine and long-life milk a beneficiary has to be included in your will
4) whining about aching body parts becomes an art form
5) it takes twelve minutes to get in and out of any car
6) the fourth part of a four-course meal is falling asleep upright in your chair
7) you have all day, every day, to drink
8) you have all day, every day, to watch reruns of law & order
9) you're on at least three prescription medicines to make it worth the trip to the pharmacy
10) having the heat on is a mindless luxury

Well done, Claire. Now stop being funny. It makes me look bad.

FOUND!

pup
Originally uploaded by smelly_.

This is the dog. Really cute little guy. Hope his owners find him soon.

'hood hijinks

This is what happened to me yesterday evening. I know you want to know.

Left the house early for GMAT class to be able to swing by some place to get replacement battery for cordless phone. Approaching Memorial, I see a dog (unleashed/uncollared/alone) running all over the road headed straight for busy-four-lane-hit-dogs-for-sport Memorial Drive. So I pull over and call to the dog. He comes right over (pause: I know you are thinking, "Eleanor. This dog could have been violent and rabid. Why would you do something so potentially dangerous?" Because I'm a risk-taker, baby. I live on the edge. I dunno, I just had a good vibe about him. And I was right, anyway. So back to the story.) and is all friendly albeit pretty muddy and dirty. So I look in my trunk for a towel to clean him off and HE JUMPS INTO MY DRIVER'S SEAT. My virgin, just cleaned, love-of-my-life-car's driver's seat. After I came to, I used a fleece to wipe the dog down and drove him around the neighborhood to see if I could find his owners. No luck. So it gets time to go to class and I don't know what to do with this dog. Tallulah will FLIP if she thinks she's getting a new housemate. Unbelievably jealous dog. I ended up putting him in my side garden bed area of the yard (fenced off from the rest as to avoid dog confrontation) and left for class.

I'm headed toward Memorial AGAIN, and now there is a car in the road. Like parked, broadside in the middle of the road, no one in it. I had to pull all the way to the left of the road to get around it. I thought about stopping to see if someone had had a heart attack and was slumped over the wheel, but then I thought fuck that I've already saved a dog today and I have to get to class. Then in class I feel horribly guilty about this decision, and on the way home am dreading to see what happens when I turn into my neighborhood (envisioning: police lights, yellow tape, interviewing me saying, "Oh yeah, I saw it parked there, but I just drove right on by!"). But the car was gone, and turns out that it was parked in an adjacent driveway and the brake had slipped. I bet the guy's face when he looked out the window and saw his car in the middle of the road was pretty funny.

ANYWAY. Try to leave dog outside, but once he knows I'm home, begins incessantly barking. Try to leave him in basement, nope. So bring him inside, and Tallulah is actually pretty cool about it, although she keeps looking at me with pleading eyes that say, "Something is horribly, horribly wrong here." So we sleep. Me, Lu, the mutt--Ben was EXTREMELY PISSED at me for allowing an interloper in our house, so he was cata non gratis all night. Took the dog to nearby vet this AM. Hope his owners find him, he's obviously someone's--jumped on my bed to sleep, Tallulah nearly had a heart attack since she herself is not allowed up. I kicked him off, but let him stay while I was getting ready this morning, sort of a last-rites type of concession. He was pretty cute, though. Some kind of terrier.

Not even considering it, if that's what you were thinking. I'm already betrothed to the most co-dependent dog on the planet, and she just wouldn't have it.

I'll post a pic of him though. So you can see that you would have done the same thing if it had happened to you.

Still don't have battery for cordless phone. It's veritably gasping for air.

I think we've been here before

Have I mentioned how much I hate AT&T? Well, I do. I hate them. The latest in a long, drawn-out saga of SHIT with them is that they now won't give me skymiles on my phone service unless I make more than $50 worth of calls per month. Which I don't. Keeping in mind that skymiles is the ONLY reason I signed up with them in the first place. Hate. Them. Hate.

Don't even get me started about my wireless contract with them. Although I did email a pic from my mobile today, that was pretty cool. It will probably cost me nine skillion dollars on my next bill. See? Hate.

DEATH! REVENGE!! REVENGE FOR WANDA!

Holiday Theme: sit on ass, watch telly

I kept Blockbuster in Business this holiday season. I can't even REMEMBER all the flicks I rented (NetFlix? hmm have resisted thus far), but below are highlights/lowlights/ehlights:

• Shaun of the Dead: Best film of the lot, actually going into top films for me, PERIOD. I was the annoying bitch that laughed hysterically at pretty much everything. Fanfuckingtastic.
• Napoleon Dynamite: Overall, overrated. But Kip was my favourite, and I keep hearing Napoleon's soundbites in my head, so I guess that stands for summat.
• Pretty Dirty Things: Stephen Frears film starring Audrey Tatou. Well done all round.
• Kicking and Screaming: Again, overrated--seems to be aiming for a Diner redux vibe.
• Van Helsing: Complete and utter guilty pleasure, ate pizza and drank cola just to complete the mainstreamedness of it all. So bad that my eyes involuntarily looked away from the telly at times.
• Garden State: Decent, suffers from overstrain.
• Dare to Love Me: Good, typically French. Quirkiness reminiscent of second-rate Amelie.
• I Can Sleep When I'm Dead: Mike Hodges' film with Clive Owen. Kept waiting for something that never really happened. Weak, but Clive's always scrummy. I mean, immensely talented.

If I think of the others, I'll blog. As you can see, I really got into the season. Of course, this is coming from the woman whose favourite holiday flick is Bad Santa.

Got 'em.

Got 'em.
Originally uploaded by smelly_.

This photo was a visual finger that poked me between ribs 3 and 4, tickled me mercilessly, and made me pee a little.

I have to go to the bathroom now. Be right back.

Happy '05.

It's not that bad here.

It's not that bad here.
Originally uploaded by smelly_.

It's cold here, but not cold enough for snow. Or to make things out of snow, like a big eff you to Mother Nature. I think it's pretty well done, though.

hey I'm thankful too

K has a good idea that I am now going to rip off.

The Emotional
My sister is in town
I'm going to be with a lot of friends in the next four days
My family is loving and supportive

The Environmental
I have a good house with heat and pets and shit
I have a great car that is fast yet safe
I just got a badass laptop that I will be fiddling with all weekend
Have a little bit of money to play with
I have a job that provides for all of the above and is interesting and shit

The Mental
I'm feeling smarter by taking the GMAT classes
I have a good sense of self-worth, capability, and desire

The Physical
I am bigger lately, BUT! I have a plan to lose weight
My teeth are a little whiter after using the strips
My hair is really glossy and cool since I dyed it last night

Thanks, God! You're the best. MWAH!
love, el.

shilly shill mcshill

god my sister is hyper. WHY HAVEN'T YOU POSTED???? IT'S BEEN 16 DAYSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!! SCREEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

just shut the hell up. I'll get to it when I get to it. biz.

Vote for the guy on the left, listen to music by the guy on the right

I lied. One more thing. Fingers crossed.

Vote for the guy on the left, listen to music by the guy on the right
Originally uploaded by smelly_.

Happy Halloween (not really)

Happy Halloween
Originally uploaded by smelly_.

Okay, so it's a little late. But I haven't blogged in over a month, so who's to call me on a little holiday belatedness, hmmmm? HMMM? THAT'S RIGHT, NO ONE!!!!!

Anyway, this wasn't even taken on Halloween, but I don't have those pics yet. But it's in the spirit, so close enough. This is, in fact, my favourite photo from my trip to Mali--the man on the left is the schoolteacher in Siby. We found the hats hanging from the ceiling (kids' craft project I guess) and put them on for fun. I can't remember why I am scowling, maybe I thought that was more witchy?

ANYWAY. Too much to catch up on. No point. Getting together online photo albums from Afrika. Will try to post more often.

That's all you get for now.