hey I'm thankful too

K has a good idea that I am now going to rip off.

The Emotional
My sister is in town
I'm going to be with a lot of friends in the next four days
My family is loving and supportive

The Environmental
I have a good house with heat and pets and shit
I have a great car that is fast yet safe
I just got a badass laptop that I will be fiddling with all weekend
Have a little bit of money to play with
I have a job that provides for all of the above and is interesting and shit

The Mental
I'm feeling smarter by taking the GMAT classes
I have a good sense of self-worth, capability, and desire

The Physical
I am bigger lately, BUT! I have a plan to lose weight
My teeth are a little whiter after using the strips
My hair is really glossy and cool since I dyed it last night

Thanks, God! You're the best. MWAH!
love, el.

shilly shill mcshill

god my sister is hyper. WHY HAVEN'T YOU POSTED???? IT'S BEEN 16 DAYSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!! SCREEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

just shut the hell up. I'll get to it when I get to it. biz.

Vote for the guy on the left, listen to music by the guy on the right

I lied. One more thing. Fingers crossed.

Vote for the guy on the left, listen to music by the guy on the right
Originally uploaded by smelly_.

Happy Halloween (not really)

Happy Halloween
Originally uploaded by smelly_.

Okay, so it's a little late. But I haven't blogged in over a month, so who's to call me on a little holiday belatedness, hmmmm? HMMM? THAT'S RIGHT, NO ONE!!!!!

Anyway, this wasn't even taken on Halloween, but I don't have those pics yet. But it's in the spirit, so close enough. This is, in fact, my favourite photo from my trip to Mali--the man on the left is the schoolteacher in Siby. We found the hats hanging from the ceiling (kids' craft project I guess) and put them on for fun. I can't remember why I am scowling, maybe I thought that was more witchy?

ANYWAY. Too much to catch up on. No point. Getting together online photo albums from Afrika. Will try to post more often.

That's all you get for now.

so I'm back.

I actually got back last Tuesday, almost a week ago. But I've been busy, getting back into work and being uproariously drunk all weekend. Seriously, I think I may have a problem. I am going to have to chill out a bit (read: dry out). At least I have not been smoking, the one thing I am still clinging to that I am proud about. The drinking, though, hmm becoming increasingly less cool. It's my next area of focus in Eleanor Improvement.

Africa was amazing. I'll write about it when I can show you pictures too.

For your political humour enjoyment, here is a link to a hilarious Will-Ferrell-as-George-W spot. Always good for a laugh.

More later, kids: Mama's got to work.

Never say goodbye

This will be my last post for a while. As you well know, I am off for Africa tomorrow. I will be gone for a week and a half. I hope you are okay while I am gone.

It's 3pm on a Friday afternoon, the day before my vacation. Where do you think my brain is? Not here. I decided I needed a cup of coffee, so I ambled down to the breakroom to find. . . no coffee. Actually, there were tiny amounts in two pots, but someone had turned off the warmers so both were ice cold. If they had been on, I probably would have combined the two pots to scrape out a cup. I decide that I want flavoured coffee--my company buys that shit. I think I'm the only one who uses it. I start rummaging through, looking for a decaf version, and finally decide to dump the box out and organize the flavours. Again, it's 3pm on a Friday, the day before my vacation. Here is a sampling of the coffees:

1. Bananas Foster (ew)
2. Southern Pecan
3. Southern Pecan Delight (no idea what could be the difference)
4. Jamaican Me Crazy (sigh)
5. Sinful Delight (tempted to brew this just to see)

But no decaf. I pull all the packets out of the box, and the VERY last one is: Hazlenut Decaf. I actually said "Yay!" out loud. I pulled out a filter, opened the bag, and took a sniff before I poured it in. I hope it tastes a lot better than it smells. I'll let you know.

I said I wouldn't

Originally uploaded by smelly_.

but I can't help it!! At left is where I will be SUNDAY. Yeeeeeeeee!

miss me?

You might think that since I have not blogged in an ENTIRE WEEK, I might have been out of town. Or dead in a ditch. Or my fingers fell off. But NO! I am just incredibly slack. Really, I don't know where the time went. It was Labour Day weekend. Basically it went like this:

• Friday: blotto
• Saturday: recovered from Friday's blotto
• Sunday: blotto
• Monday: recovered from Sunday's blotto

As you can see, it was an exciting time. I know you wish you were me. That's natural. The only thing that really pleased me about the long weekend is that NOT ONCE was I tempted to have a cigarette. That was a big deal to me, to be in bars and around smokers, and not feel the urge. Today makes Day 8. I feel pretty confident about this.

In two days, TWO DAYS, I leave for Africa. Actually, I leave for Paris. But then Africa. I am starting to feel the buzz of excitement growing in my belly. I'm discouraging its growth, because once it takes over, work is out the window. I only have today and tomorrow to go. THEN AFRICA. ooh, I'm going to have to change subjects, my legs are starting to wiggle.

I got up this morning at 5:30am. I don't enjoy doing this. The first thing that I noticed was that NPR was playing some crazy shit at 5:30am. It was like the DJ had his 9-year old son practicing the trumpet on air with two sick dogs in the background howling. I listened to it for about 3.72 seconds before slapping it off. It is so dark at 5:30am. I turned on the TV and was BLINDED by the light it produced. It seriously hurt. Despite this literally rude awakening, I was dressed and decent and out of the house by 6:04am. Made two stops on the way, the first at Starbucks to buy a cup of coffee the size of my head, and then to Chik-fil-a to get eggs and sausage for my brek. Coffee: good idea (albeit a little jittery). Eggs and sausage: bad idea (sitting like a stone in my tum).

ok, off to a mtng.

Last night I had a dream

K hearts that opening, I know. But anyway, last night I dreamt that I kept picking up lit cigarettes and taking a couple of puffs before being like, "Wait, I quit. Shit!" and stubbing them out. I woke up this morning and for a few bleary moments had to figure out if I had really smoked or not. Dreams aside, it's going really well. I went to Manuel's last night, drank some beers, and had absolutely no desire to smoke. Didn't even think about it. Not saying that I won't be tempted ever, but at least for now all is A-OK.

Just thought you'd like to know.

Hey, speaking of Manuel's, I didn't know that he recently died--last month. RIP.

nasty fucking shit

nasty fucking shit
Originally uploaded by smelly_.

Last night was my last smoking night.

In order to seal the deal, I smoked myself silly. The objective was to make myself sick on them so that I wouldn't want one anytime soon, get me over the hump, etc. I succeeded. I gagged about 900 times as I smoked 15 cigarettes in 3.5 hours. My head hurt, my throat burned, I kept almost passing out, hallucinations and delirium. It was BAD. I talked to my last cigarette, told it how much I hated it, how they were killing me, and that I didn't need them anymore.

This morning I still feel like shit. Head/throat/and abdomen for some reason. Wish me luck.

1961-1997

Originally uploaded by smelly_.

Where were you?

I have this wipe-on, wipe-off board outside of my office. Everyone else uses theirs to announce meetings, absences, etc, but I mostly use mine for "today in history." I feel like it's important to educate myself and those around me. I use the History Channel website for the info, it's a really good site. Anyway, today's history was that Princess Diana died on this day in 1997. It was jarring on a couple of levels. First of all, it made me remember EXACTLY when I heard that news. I was visiting my parents in New Delhi on summer break before the fall semester of my senior year. We were walking out of the American Club recreation centre, and we ran into someone my dad worked with--he said, "Have you heard? Princess Diana's been in a terrible accident." We went into the restaurant dining room and turned on the news and they were just beginning to report the car crash--because of the time change, it was the middle of the day for us and 2-3am in Paris. We watched for about 3 hours while they got her out of the car, took her to the hospital, pronounced her dead. No one said anything, I remember thinking that somehow it couldn't be possible that she could be killed, and by something so mundane as a car crash at that, like she was superhuman or something. I remembered getting up in the middle of the night in 1981 to watch her wedding. We have a biscuit tin commemorating the event. It just didn't. seem. possible. A week later I was in London for my semester abroad, and the entire city was effed. Just completely emotionally exhausted. The most remarkable thing was how QUIET everyone was. Not mad or sad or anything, just nothing. It knocked the wind out of everyone. Bottom line, it was a defining moment in our generation. Where were you?

Oh. The other thing that threw me for a loop is that it has now been SEVEN years since. Seven years. That just seems unreal.

nothing but a filthy pill popper

this morning I looked down at the pills I had to take:

1 birth control
1 zyban
3 ibruprofen (crrrrrramps)
1 daily vitamin

I felt like an addict. The aging, no-skilled housewife kind.

Whoa. I just had a heavy walk from the cafeteria. I went there to get a little something to tide me over--ended up getting a side of vegetables since my body was crying for anything nutritious after the PARADE of gluttony I embarked upon yesterday. Anyway, I started to walk out and suddenly thought how dramatic it would be if I just fainted on the sidewalk. The guys eating outside would jump up and rush to my side admist the spilled cauliflower and green beans. Plus I would be able to go home early, an added bonus. THIS BIT HAS BEEN EDITED OUT. I thought ALL of this while walking back from the cafeteria.

Whenever I get into an emotional quandary, I will revert to a robotic stoicism: don't think about boys, focus on work. Study for GMAT. Get into grad school. Quit smoking. Work out. It helps me to maintain self-preservation. Actually it helps me to avoid my problems. What was the problem? My brain's so twisted up right now. This post was shit.

The vegetables, however, were really good. I'm always surprised when I like something I desperately hated as a child.

the future soundtrack of america

future soundtrack of america
Originally uploaded by smelly_.

hmm I'm really doing this for two reasons: first, it's my test for uploading images on the blog. but also, this is a really good CD. The first song, by OK Go, is so happy and lovely. Then a few songs later, a great little tune from Deathcab. Then a great Blink 182 (yes, I know) remix. Flaming Lips, Elliot Smith, Nada Surf, Fountains of Wayne, Laura Cantrell, Tom Waits, They Might be Giants, Old 97's, man oh man this CD is good. Okay, that's all.

meetings, pants, and credit cards

It's 10am. So I was just on my way upstairs for a 10am meeting with a manager, and I'm halfway up the stairs when it occurs to me that I didn't see a reminder pop up on my computer. Was this meeting at 10? Or 11? Did I turn off the reminder and the meeting is now? Or have I for some reason completely convinced myself of the wrong time? All morning I have been gearing up for my 10am, my 10am. Then I find myself on the stairs in a complete befuddlement. So I went back downstairs and checked my computer. It's 11am.

So a few weeks ago I was, ahem, having a little rough and tumble with a boy. And in our roughing and tumbling he popped the button off my jeans. What was funny was that he immediately stopped and said, "Did I just break your pants?" Anyway, these are currently my favourite jeans, optic rinse cropped--but they have always been kind of complicated to get in and out of. First there is the aforementioned button. Then a zipper. THEN a snap off to the side. Used to jeans with only two-part access construction, I was at times frustrated with the extra step. But now, with the button gone, it's just a quick unsnap and unzip and I can pee! Or get undressed! Or get some! The possibilities are endless, obviously. So the morale of the story is: you never know what a little rough and tumble might get you.

Lastly, I'd like to give a shout-out to all the good people of the world. Like the waitress at Heaping Bowl, where I stupidly left my credit card last night. She is keeping it safe and sound until I pick it up this afternoon. She'd better not be dripping in fine jewelry and new clothes.

leave me the fuck alone

So the guy I dated for THREE MONTHS last year, who stalked me for FOUR MONTHS, who I got an arrest warrant out on for harassing phone calls, who I blessedly haven't heard from since January, is calling me again. I think. It is 99.9% him. I'm actually in the processing of confirming this. I'm in pissed-off mode about it. You would think he would know me better--I despise being fucked with. I have been known to overcompensate in retribution. oooh! I'm scary!

Along with this, there is the trip to Africa next month. This accounts for this statement I made to a friend in discussing getting together for a drink tomorrow afternoon:

"Yeah, tomorrow afternoon is fine--all I have to do is get a meningitis shot and check on my ex-boyfriend's arrest warrant."

I can't make this stuff up, folks.

synapses are misfiring

It is raining with a vengeance here. Does not bode well for my volleyball game apres work. Yikes, everytime I look out the window it scares me how dark and ominous everything looks outside: see? That big yellow blob is totally coming my way.

So K got all fancy with her blog with photos and all. I hate her.

I bought a firepit last night--actually looking forward to assembling it over the weekend, and then, uh, starting a fire. In the pit.

On another note, having been going absolutely mad with new music lately. I think it's because I actually have a good stereo in the car for once. Now, I'm basically that asshole that pulls up next to you at stopped intersections with bass blaring. Except it's to good music. The best buys lately have been:

Postal Service
Future Soundtrack for America
Killers

Still undecided on these:

Wilco
Jem (may be the poor man's Dido)
Snow Patrol

I could do links to all these, but I just don't feel like it. I think I'm going to pop some popcorn. And curl up on the sofa and watch a movie and oh wait I'm still at work shit.

Well I can still make the popcorn.

tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick

Today has been unbelievably painful. Since I last wrote you, I have:

• finished up the recommendation I was working on
• met with manager to close it out
• been to the bathroom about 900 times
• cleaned my desk, guest table, mouse padtablethingy, windowsills, and THE PHONE (easily the nastiest part of all, and I only have my own ears to blame ew) with antibacterial wipes
• cleaned out all my temporary internet folders and cookies
• reorganized my pc desktop
• wandered in and out of various offices, looking for a chat, and finding none
• whittled down my inbox to three emails

It's 5:19.

I can't even think of a good title.

I despise Friday afternoons. Everyone else seems to have gone home, except all the effers around me. No one's on IM, no emails coming, zip. I hate it. I have 2 more hours to go.

I'm all about my bed lately--bought a new duvet cover last week. Was looking for plain white, but they are nowhere to be found. So I got a white one with ruched layers on it--it actually looks really classy, like a grown-up bed. So the cartoony butterfly sheets had to go. Bought a set of crisp solid khakis yesterday, washed them last night, put them in the dryer this AM. So they should be ready tonight. My Friday night: putting new sheets on the bed. Actually, I will probably shoot a couple of games of pool with Ali apres work. TWO HOURS. Anyway, back to duvet covers: for some inexplicable reason, they cost easily 2 to 4 times the cost of a duvet. !!! How does that possibly make sense, surely duvets are more costly to make, what with the feathers/stuffing/etc. But no, the POCKET that houses them is where the money is at. It's a complete conspiracy by the bedding industry. Hey kid, try this line of duvet for free. Like that, don't ya? What, you want a cover now? Hmm, that's going to cost you . . . come over here, let's talk.

I have one hour and 45 minutes left. Pathetic. I feel like this.

I've had 2 mobile calls in the last 2 minutes--I've jumped both times at the ring. So I'm feeling popular, but twitchy.