Because secretly, I'm a masochist!

First of all, thanks to everyone with their helpful tips to my pill quandry below. And by everyone I mean Mern. Thanks Mern, you are my one and only true friend. Seriously, I am going to heed your advice and do some more research, thanks a million.

Carrying on the spirit of female bullshit, leg hair. Except for filthy bloody hippies and eerily confident European sexpots, no one likes it. Me included. For about a year now I have been getting my legs waxed. And although I have been trying not to be a total and complete pussy about it, it hurts. The average hurt is the enhh that feels like a hard flat-hand SLAP! that extends to a sting, but sometimes it's a YOWZA am I bleeding? I think I'm bleeding sort of pain. So I thought you should know the truth, because it is NOT like it is pictured here:

This woman is lying to you.

First of all, this woman is completely hairless to begin with. Plus that "wax strip" looks suspiciously like cling wrap. My waxer, Elvira (yes, Elvira mmm boppa mmm boppa mmm boppa mama), uses a bright opaque green wax on my legs with cotton muslin (?) strips. And when she rips off a particularly hairy patch and subsquently has to pry my rigored fingertips out of the ceiling, she's all, "Oh, I'm sorry, huneeee, are you okaaay?" just to make me feel better but we both know she doesn't mean it. She's there to pull hair out of my skin, dammit. No one said this was going to be fun. Smiles McHoohah up there? Not buying it.

Let me know if I can be helpful to you on any other topic. I also know a lot about online shopping via eBay and the recycling programme in my county.

All tha ladies in tha house

Do any men read my blog? No? Good, then I won't have to deal with the collective rolling of the eyes when I talk about my woman problems. Ladies, I need some advice. That's right, WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THE PILL!!!

Yaaaaaaaaaay!!!

Okay, so here is what has been progressively happening with my effed-up body during my periodical over the last year:

1. significantly enhanced crankiness/ripping off of people's heads
2. erratic bouts of hysterical crying (more so than usual), leading to an appearance of my alter-ego Puffy McFrankenlids the entire next day
3. massive holy-shit-I'm hemorrhaging-to-death! flow one month to next month barely a whisper of a visit from Aunt Scarlet
4. switch from a couple days of meh doesn't feel awesome but nonincapacitating cramps to one SUPERCRAMP day
5. the latest symptom: ridiculously long-lasting headaches. The current one is going on 48 hours

Clearly, this has to stop. Because I am in no way medically qualified, I have diagnosed myself as mentally unbalanced, overly stressed out, and on the wrong pill. So a visit to my gyno seems in order. Right now I am on Ortho-cyclen, have been for a few years, and I don't take the placebos. Seems reasonable that my body might be better suited to another configuration of pill, maybe a lesser dose of estrogen, dunno. So I'd like your input:

1. Have you had any of my symptoms?
2. If so, recommendations? Pill-wise or other-wise?

If you don't have anything helpful to contribute, then go fuck yourself.

I told you I was cranky.

Gnasty Gnashers

So I was going to write about the decrepit state of my cat's teeth as one part of an overall blog post. And I was going to paste up a really shitty picture of grotty cat teeth just to torture you, but then I found these.

And realised that the ENTIRE post needs to be about cat teeth.

Now, Ben isn't looking great these days. It's Summer, which means that his ears and nose are always getting bitten by insects and he keeps scratching at them, so that at any given time, he looks like a beat-up old hobo cat*. Plus, his coat is thinner now, so he's not the lustrous, manly lion-cat he is in colder months. But I took him to the vet last month, and while everything else was a-ok, the vet pointed out that his back teeth are not. She recommended a brushing which I was open to. . . for about 38 seconds until I found out that it would cost upwards of $300. And I just don't love Ben that much.

Seriously, $300 bucks? For a brushing? I know most of it is the anesthetic costs, and to that I say: I'm the only one getting professionally drugged in this family. So while I will not spring for the cleaning, I did buy a tiny toothbrush and pet toothpaste today. Ben is going to flip. I can't wait.

Anyway, here are the pics I found when looking for rotted cat teeth. These are better, trust me.
I know it's a bit blurry, but this one is my fave--look at this guy! He's like, "You want 'em? YOU WANT 'EM?? BLAAAAAAH ROAAAAR!!!!" I think that's even a little cat spittle at the bottom. Awesome.

This guy below is also like "BLAH FUCK YOU!" With his slitty eyes teeming with hate. I like this picture because it very effectively illustrates the amazing amount of difference in cat teeth size--look how pic the bicuspids (incisors? I never know) are compared to the little tiny teeth in between. They're like teethlets that one day hope to become teeth. Ben's are even more extreme. Sometimes I push his lips (?) apart to look at the teeny tinies with amazement, while Ben drools on me and thinks, "I hate you."

As much as I wish it would, this is not going to happen for me. I just envisoned a world where Ben would roll in with a toothbrush hanging from his mouth and be like, "Oh this? Just doing my part for dental hygiene, I know how much you hate it when I jump on your face in the middle of the night and breathe dead insect breath on you."
Okay. This cat has gold teeth. I would almost be willing to spend $300 on this.
I'd just like to close with reassurances to everyone that I indeed do have friends and even a lovely boyfriend. So don't worry about me. Too much.

*It's better this year, because I got some repellent ointment from the vet. Putting in on him is krizazy fun! Wanna come over and do it for me? Please?