Thursday, August 23, 2007

All tha ladies in tha house

Do any men read my blog? No? Good, then I won't have to deal with the collective rolling of the eyes when I talk about my woman problems. Ladies, I need some advice. That's right, WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THE PILL!!!

Yaaaaaaaaaay!!!

Okay, so here is what has been progressively happening with my effed-up body during my periodical over the last year:
  1. significantly enhanced crankiness/ripping off of people's heads
  2. erratic bouts of hysterical crying (more so than usual), leading to an appearance of my alter-ego Puffy McFrankenlids the entire next day
  3. massive holy-shit-I'm hemorrhaging-to-death! flow one month to next month barely a whisper of a visit from Aunt Scarlet
  4. switch from a couple days of meh doesn't feel awesome but nonincapacitating cramps to one SUPERCRAMP day
  5. the latest symptom: ridiculously long-lasting headaches. The current one is going on 48 hours

Clearly, this has to stop. Because I am in no way medically qualified, I have diagnosed myself as mentally unbalanced, overly stressed out, and on the wrong pill. So a visit to my gyno seems in order. Right now I am on Ortho-cyclen, have been for a few years, and I don't take the placebos. Seems reasonable that my body might be better suited to another configuration of pill, maybe a lesser dose of estrogen, dunno. So I'd like your input:

  1. Have you had any of my symptoms?
  2. If so, recommendations? Pill-wise or other-wise?

If you don't have anything helpful to contribute, then go fuck yourself.

I told you I was cranky.

4 comments:

Mernina said...

smell,
the pill is the devil in disguise. I'm emailing you w/ details.

Andrea D. said...

Oh Fran, the ortho pills turned me into a raving lunatic. Ask my (ex) boyfriend - i was all, yell, yell, yell, cry! Charming. Much better luck with the super-low-dose ones. I liked loestrin and a friend of mine had good luck with the ring thing. But recently, I hath decreed "EF YOU SYNTHETIC HORMONES I SHALL CYCLE WITH THE MOON!" And so completes my transformation into a hippie. Whee!
(from, A. of DiscoStation, who refuses to sign up for the Blogger thingie)

Anonymous said...

This is seriously late in coming, and Im sure you've solved this by now, but Ortho-cyclen is the worst. I almost killed someone while on them. Find something kinder - there are MANY out there that are much nicer to you.

Anonymous said...

Gross.