Gnasty Gnashers

So I was going to write about the decrepit state of my cat's teeth as one part of an overall blog post. And I was going to paste up a really shitty picture of grotty cat teeth just to torture you, but then I found these.

And realised that the ENTIRE post needs to be about cat teeth.

Now, Ben isn't looking great these days. It's Summer, which means that his ears and nose are always getting bitten by insects and he keeps scratching at them, so that at any given time, he looks like a beat-up old hobo cat*. Plus, his coat is thinner now, so he's not the lustrous, manly lion-cat he is in colder months. But I took him to the vet last month, and while everything else was a-ok, the vet pointed out that his back teeth are not. She recommended a brushing which I was open to. . . for about 38 seconds until I found out that it would cost upwards of $300. And I just don't love Ben that much.

Seriously, $300 bucks? For a brushing? I know most of it is the anesthetic costs, and to that I say: I'm the only one getting professionally drugged in this family. So while I will not spring for the cleaning, I did buy a tiny toothbrush and pet toothpaste today. Ben is going to flip. I can't wait.

Anyway, here are the pics I found when looking for rotted cat teeth. These are better, trust me.
I know it's a bit blurry, but this one is my fave--look at this guy! He's like, "You want 'em? YOU WANT 'EM?? BLAAAAAAH ROAAAAR!!!!" I think that's even a little cat spittle at the bottom. Awesome.

This guy below is also like "BLAH FUCK YOU!" With his slitty eyes teeming with hate. I like this picture because it very effectively illustrates the amazing amount of difference in cat teeth size--look how pic the bicuspids (incisors? I never know) are compared to the little tiny teeth in between. They're like teethlets that one day hope to become teeth. Ben's are even more extreme. Sometimes I push his lips (?) apart to look at the teeny tinies with amazement, while Ben drools on me and thinks, "I hate you."

As much as I wish it would, this is not going to happen for me. I just envisoned a world where Ben would roll in with a toothbrush hanging from his mouth and be like, "Oh this? Just doing my part for dental hygiene, I know how much you hate it when I jump on your face in the middle of the night and breathe dead insect breath on you."
Okay. This cat has gold teeth. I would almost be willing to spend $300 on this.
I'd just like to close with reassurances to everyone that I indeed do have friends and even a lovely boyfriend. So don't worry about me. Too much.

*It's better this year, because I got some repellent ointment from the vet. Putting in on him is krizazy fun! Wanna come over and do it for me? Please?