by the way

These are the shoes I am wearing today. It's all I can do to not burst out singing, "I feel pretty! Oh so preeetty! I feel pretty and witty and gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!"

Because that's Claire's theme song.

siiiiiigh.

Despite the fact that I have been employed here for almost four years, I have never felt more like a temp like I did all day yesterday and will likely feel again today.

This is spring break week for almost all the area schools and NO ONE IS HERE. Honestly, I would say 60% of the total staff is off this week and 85-90% of the HR staff is gone. God effing forbid we have some shit go down at a time like this. Actually, I would love it. Anyway, yesterday I was so bored that I felt like there was nothing interesting left on the internet. I made 4 purchases. I ate leftovers alone at my desk. I looked at the clock 983 times. I checked my email 722 times. I agonised over when I should actually leave and ending up leaving at a rather non-suspect time, quietly and without fanfare.

It was all very sad. And today will probably be more of the same. I have got to get a new job.

lotsa lolla lineup lather

So the lineup was announced on Monday. Correspondingly, I spent a rather significant amount of time drawing up a spreadsheet with all the bands, my knowledge of them, a desire rating to see them on a scale of 1-10, and any additional notes. It was my hope that I could use some or all of this data to create some kind of chart of graph, but I couldn't figure it out how to do it. This all seemed pretty normal to me. But last night, I had the following conversation with my sister Claire:

CQ: "So the lolla lineup is out. . ."
EQ: "Yeah, I know. I created this little excel spreadsheet that had all the bands on it, if I'd heard of them, if I want to see them, and any other information that I thought would be helpful."
CQ: "Helpful for what? Why would you do that?"
EQ: "Um, so I can organise my thoughts about the bands. To be able, to, uh, map out my strategy."
CQ: silence

So another reminder that life is a constant process of self-reflection.

Friday morning sing-a-long!

This morning, something magical happened. Like most magical moments, I wasn't even expecting it. Groggily getting dressed for work this morning, I grabbed a pair of jeans (yay Friday), NOT KNOWING that, in fact, they were my skinny jeans. Which I haven't been able to wear in a while.

BUT NOT TODAY!!!! I'm back in my skinny jeans! I have been triumphantly parading around the office all morning, greedily snorting compliments like fluffy lines of cocaine. It makes me want to siiiiiiiiiing! And so, The Skinny Jean Song.

I'm back in my skinny jeans, back in my skinny jeans
There was a day I thought I'd never fit in 'em
But here I am, looking fab in demin!
'Cause I'm back in skinny jeans, I feel like a winner
Still have a-ways to go
But I certainly don't feel low
In my skinny jeans, so slim and slender!

*

*not my actual skinny jeans, for demonstration purposes only

Dear government, here's some more money that you won't be able to account for.

So I casually mentioned to a friend last night that I'm planning on doing my taxes this weekend. And he said, "What? You haven't done your taxes yet? But they're due in two weeks!" To which I said, "Yes, I have two weeks. This is plenty of time to do my taxes. A lot of people do their taxes at the last minute." I watch the news, I see the long lines at the post offices on the night of the 15th. If I want to be on television and get free doughnuts, I just may very well be one of those people this year.

Then he throws out a completely unfounded statistic, saying that 99% of people have already completed their taxes by this point. I think this is complete and utter bullshit and to prove my point, I'm going to seek out some highly unreliable intranet research on the topic RIGHT NOW.

Okay, I just found this:

Most Americans file their income taxes in late January and early February (shurrup) when they receive their W-2 forms with the aim of receiving a tax refund. Filing diminishes after that point until the last week before the April 15 deadline when between 10 and 20 percent of Americans file their returns.

Meaning that only 80-90% of non-procrastinating Americans have filed up to this time. And that's certainly not a laughable 99%. Ha! Ha!

On a related note, I found these pictures associated with last-minute filing. I definitely plan on looking like one of them when I finish.

This guy is just simply defeated. Because he waited until the last minute AND he's an itemiser! Just look at those receipts! Take the standard and take a break, buddy. Shit.

This guy is just fucking ridiculous. Seriously, they could not have paid this guy enough money to look so gay. Sadly, he kind of looks like an ex-boyfriend of mine. Who, to my knowledge, was not gay, merely your garden-variety stalker-fucker. Good times.

The more I look at this lady, the more it hurts. Calls to mind the old adage, a finger is worth a thousand words. Well said, sir, well said.

On a closing note, while I am not anticipating big problems with the old tax return, my financially inclined friends should probably be aware that I may be contacting you this weekend. Crying. Just send me to voicemail, it will be better for everyone involved.

Time warp!

Favourite site right now: someecards.com. Sampling below:

Topical!

Little to close to home!

Jesus this blogging thing is hard to keep up with--I was convinced that it had only been a couple of days since my last post and here is is, actually EIGHT. Some things that have happened to me:

I hit my 10% weight-loss goal this week. It's gone, hopefully not to return until I trap a man into marriage and then brianwilsonballoon on him so that my fat grows around my wedding ring and makes it a permanent part of my body and a permanent reminder for him that he will never ever be able to get rid of me no matter how hard he tries with those streetwalkers and skanky hos.

In other news, and in no relation to the claptrap above I swear to sweet baby jesus, I went on a date last night. And it was fun. And I am going to see him again. And you can't stop me.

Crotchety-yet-less-of-me

First of all, I think this is the best blog title I have ever come up with. EVER.

The explanation for it is two-fold. First of all, I realised this morning that something I do everyday may, in fact, look incredibly weird to someone else. And by someone else, I mean the guy in the car next to me at a stoplight on the way to work. And by something I mean take the eyelash curler out of my crotchal region where I put it to warm it up so that it curls my eyelashes better.

Because I do all my make-up in the car. But plenty of women do, right? And plenty of women use eyelash curlers, right? And when they're cold, they don't work as well, right?

Is anyone with me on this? Because the guy next to me acted as if I had produced a rabbit from my vagina and was now eating it live.

The second thing is that I weighed in today and I've lost 3 pounds since my last weigh-in! I do think most of it is water weight, though. And the fact that I removed everything to the point of being only slightly dressed before hopping on the scale. And the fact that I made myself throw up 4 times this week. Kidding!

Still, I'm pleased. And my eyelashes look grrreat!

It's true!

So, posting for the first time when you haven't done so in 3 months is a little intimidating. After all, what could be the trigger event that would inspire one to pick up after a QUARTER OF A YEAR, leaving her friends and family in a turmoiled limbo, gnashing their teeth and wailing, "When, when, WHEN??? WILL SHE POST AGAIN?"

But then I found that topic. And it is:DanActive immunity drinks.

They're really tasty. Try them for yourselves. Except Leah, I guess, who can't. Ha ha!

In related news, I've gotten mean since you last heard from me. Old age.

I've posted: get ahold of yourself.

So a lot has happened since I last posted. For example, I left the country. Twice. The week before last I went to Toronto for the day. Literally, in and out the same day. The old in and out. I don't recommend it. It was for work and it was pretty surreal to get off a plane, wind through the airport, get my rental car and get on the road for the site office, and be driving in Canada, just like that. To honour the occasion, I sang the old favourite, "I'm driving in Canadaaaaa!" which I just made up. Here's how it goes:

I'm driving in Canada, I'm driving in Canadaaaaaa!
(repeat approx 900 times)

So that was fun. But I was exxxxxxxhausted the next day. This trip, the one that I'm on right now, is going to be much better. That I can tell already, because:

I'M IN ZURICH!

It doesn't look like this right now, by the way. I was just showing off. Landed this morning and right now I am waiting for my hotel room to be ready. I immediately sought to immerse myself in the Swiss culture by going to a Starbucks. But they have free wireless!

So that's my news for now. It's 10am now, my room should be ready. And I really need a shower. Everyone in the Starbucks said so.

Yay for public television

I love Antiques Roadshow.

I love it when people freak out when they learn that their prized possession which they either didn't think was worth much or were silently hoping was worth a lot turns out to be worth SKILLIONS!!!

I even love it when someone cocky gets up there who paid a considerable sum for something he clearly thinks is worth more and it turns out to be a fake. I saw one like that where the guy thought he had an original Jesse James rifle and he was so smug and smarmy until the evaluator was like, um, this is very clearly a replica because of these 93 reasons and consequently is worth a fraction of what you paid for it. And the man squeaked out, ok, thanks and slunk off.

Last week, there was this great one with this delightful old man who was clearly just so excited to be on the show and when the assessor told him his piece of furniture was really quite valuable, he shouted, "WOW!" And she laughed, and said, "I guess you like this old piece, then, huh?" And he yelled, "I'm liking it more and more every minute!" Precious.

Three, two, one: CONTACT!!!

So I'll tell you, something has been nagging at me since my last post. Couldn't put my finger on it at first, but then it was clear: it just seemed like unfinished business. Because silly little trivial things that I am attaching completely unproven hypothesised interpretations to. . . must always come in threes!

I finally hit upon it, the third of a trifecta of godly punitive action that I daydream is there to hassle my ex. Annoucing: the Georgia drought. As every local newscast will tell you via special programming like DROUGHTWATCH!! and DROUGHT2007!! and HOLY SHIT I'M THIRSTY!!, Georgia is almost at an all-time low in terms of a water shortage. Although you wouldn't know it from the myriad car wash places that seem to still be doing fine. Anyway, one of the primary water sources for the metro area, Lake Lanier, is getting rather shallow indeed. Here a picture to illustrate the current conditions:

There's a lot more ground visible than ever before and we can see here that it has resulted in the closure of this boat ramp. What does this have to do with the rotter ex? Only that he spent a ridiculous amount of money this Summer to purchase a waverunner. I did not think that buying an expensive piece of machinery that could only be used by driving at least over an hour away could get any sillier. Unless, of course, that body of water DOESN'T EVEN EXIST ANYMORE. Well, at least not to where having a waverunner is concerned.

So that's three. Now I can go obsess about something else.

Let the conspiracy theories begin.

I found this picture by searching Google Images with "god finger". The reason is below.

So I have absolutely no intention of making this a bad boyfriend/heartbroken/break-up/crying and eating pints of ice-cream in my pajamas/adopting cats kind of blog. And I'm actually doing okay--I think I am moving on pretty quickly and healthily. Yep, healthily. But a couple of things have happened within the last week that I think are preeeety coincidental. Preeety meta-like karma-like weird-like. Preety like thanks God for taking pity on me during a difficult time and sticking your big godfinger in and stirring some things around. Things like:

1. The Gravity Pub where Rob and I first met, closed down last Friday
2. The Smashing Pumpkins concert that were were supposed to go to together last night was cancelled at the last minute because the drummer got sick/OD'ed again

Okay, so I only have two instances. But still! I think they are a little weird, like the universe is somehow acknowledging the sad demise of a once-wonderful thing. By closing a shit-hole bar and postponing a concert.

Yep, I'm sticking by it.

Table for one, please.

So a few weeks ago, my relationship blew up in my face and suddenly I was single, after almost 14 months. To be sure, it absolutely threw me for a loop: I knew we were bickering more, but really thought it was work-out-able, and what actually ended up being the defining event is still so baffling to me on several levels. In the 2+ weeks since, which translates to approximately 900 years in Eleanor Time, I have reached the following conclusions:

1. This relationship should and would have ended anyway.
2. But, the way this relationship ended was horrible.
3. And, I did not realise that my ex was capable of such hurtfulness via his incapability to communicate.

Because this is the worst part of it. There was no break-up conversation. There was an incident, which culminated in us being in the same room together. But there was no fight and remarkably few words were exchanged. And I did walk out the door, but I never ever thought it would be the last time that we talked. I've reached out multiple times in ways that I feel are fair--it's been very important for me to handle this situation with grace and dignity--but to no avail. There has not been any instance of acknowledgement from his end, which frankly lends a surreal bent to the situation at times, like this really isn't happening. I cannot fully explain because I can't yet fully comprehend how exquisitely painful it is for someone that you have been sharing an unprecedented level of intimacy with to just drop out of your life. Vanish, like he was never there to begin with.

Shit. This post is already way longer than I had intended. And way too serious. Okay, I'll close with a moral quandary that I would appreciate your help on. Just a few days before the implosion, we ended up going in together on four football tickets for this big Thankgiving game that he really wanted to go to for his birthday. The original gift was me footing two, but he wanted to take his parents as well, who will be in town for the hol. So he gave me the cash, I got the tickets, we break up in an extraordinarily ignominious fashion shortly thereafter, he refuses all communication with me, and, well, I still have these tickets. For a game that I didn't care about to begin with and now anti-care about. A game that several friends (male, naturlik) have told me I could easily fetch twice the money for the tickets. So you see where I am going with this. High road, low road, slight detour? I'd be interested to hear your thoughts.

And anything else you might want to add. I've got the time on my hands now.

Follow-up on photo competition

Just a quick follow-up for those of you who have been desperately wanting to know the lastest with the photo competition I entered. The 3 pics below were the ultimate finalists, and I won't know the results until they are announced on 15 November. So I will, uh, let you know then. Thanks!

#1: Morning Market

#2: Prague Architecture
#3: Staromestska Station

GSU Photo Competition: I'm out for blood.

Faithful COP readers and people I just emailed:

I need your help. I'm trying to enter the GSU Study Abroad Photo Competition and I'm not sure which pics to submit. The categories are People, Places, and Details of Life. I can submit up to three photos total. I've posted about 20 or so here that I think are pretty good. But go ahead, judge me. ON THE PHOTOS.

Let me know via comments or smellabore@gmail.com. The kicker is, I need to know asap b/c the deadline is fast approaching, and if I win, you get NOTHING! ha h ah aha ha ha h ah aha hah!

Not true, rest assured I will find some way to generously repay you for your keen photographic insight. Game on!

pics pics pics--let me know which ones you like via comments or smellabore@gmail.com

Yes even more pics: let me know via comments or smellabore@gmail.com

MORE pics--let me know what you like via comments or smellabore@gmail.com

More pics, lemme know top 3 via comments or smellabore@gmail.com

More pics to pick. . . lemme know your top faves in comments or smellabore@gmail.com