Dear government, here's some more money that you won't be able to account for.

So I casually mentioned to a friend last night that I'm planning on doing my taxes this weekend. And he said, "What? You haven't done your taxes yet? But they're due in two weeks!" To which I said, "Yes, I have two weeks. This is plenty of time to do my taxes. A lot of people do their taxes at the last minute." I watch the news, I see the long lines at the post offices on the night of the 15th. If I want to be on television and get free doughnuts, I just may very well be one of those people this year.

Then he throws out a completely unfounded statistic, saying that 99% of people have already completed their taxes by this point. I think this is complete and utter bullshit and to prove my point, I'm going to seek out some highly unreliable intranet research on the topic RIGHT NOW.

Okay, I just found this:

Most Americans file their income taxes in late January and early February (shurrup) when they receive their W-2 forms with the aim of receiving a tax refund. Filing diminishes after that point until the last week before the April 15 deadline when between 10 and 20 percent of Americans file their returns.

Meaning that only 80-90% of non-procrastinating Americans have filed up to this time. And that's certainly not a laughable 99%. Ha! Ha!

On a related note, I found these pictures associated with last-minute filing. I definitely plan on looking like one of them when I finish.

This guy is just simply defeated. Because he waited until the last minute AND he's an itemiser! Just look at those receipts! Take the standard and take a break, buddy. Shit.

This guy is just fucking ridiculous. Seriously, they could not have paid this guy enough money to look so gay. Sadly, he kind of looks like an ex-boyfriend of mine. Who, to my knowledge, was not gay, merely your garden-variety stalker-fucker. Good times.

The more I look at this lady, the more it hurts. Calls to mind the old adage, a finger is worth a thousand words. Well said, sir, well said.

On a closing note, while I am not anticipating big problems with the old tax return, my financially inclined friends should probably be aware that I may be contacting you this weekend. Crying. Just send me to voicemail, it will be better for everyone involved.