FAAAAARKLE!

Last night K hosted a cook-out, replete with post-dinner Farkle. As usual (this was the second time I had played), I descended rather rapidly into BIG MONEY rolls, eschewing solid-but-minor scores in lieu of THE BIG PAYOFF. And as usual, the strategy backfired. I stumbled into third place. Or fourth. Eff it, I lost. Had to leave rather early, due to asscrack thing I had to be at work for this morning. Driving at pre-dawn hours doesn't seem weird, until you see the sky lightening into pinks and purples and you remember that it's not nighttime after all but SUNRISE. I also found it weird that I was INCAPABLE of rising before the sun as a child/adolescent/college/young 20s person, but now--although I do not relish it--it's not too difficult.

But back to last night. I get home, and I'm putting away the things I brought for the cookout. I open up the cupboard for my spices and there is a giant COCKROACH who screams, "Eeep!" at the sight of me and scurries back behind onion salt. I FLIP and scream, "Eeep!" before slamming the door shut. Ten minutes later, the kitchen is foggy with the amount of insecticide that I have sprayed around every crevice/crack/etc. I debated spraying around dishes and such but then decided fuck it and carefully sprayed around. NOTE: don't eat at my house any time soon. Just when I was thinking that he was a) dead, or b) dying, or c) neither, but I would have to deal with him later, HE APPEARED. He tried to crawl across the backsplash of the sink, but I was ready for him. I drowned him in Raid, and he proceeded to twitch belly-up for SEVEN MINUTES. I'm not exaggerating, it took him an extraordinarly long time to die. While he was dying, I read the can which said things like KILLS INSTANTLY! and INSTANT DEATH! on it. Lies. All of a sudden, a smaller roach appears next to him! As if it was his son saying, "Dad? Dad? What's wrong? What. . . . NOOOOOO!!!" He charged me, but I tagged him too. Death was impending, but he limped into a crack in between the dishwasher and shelving. I sprayed in there for a good 20 seconds, so I'm pretty sure he's gone.

After all the excitement died down, I hunted around with the can and a flashlight, trying to flush out any more invaders. Then I went to bed, coughing on the insecticide fumes. I was still smelling them this morning.

I also think I may have caused myself some permanent brain damage.